dream to reality
by liulishu
Summary: behind the mask of a strong girl lies a fragile piece broken by the deaths of her loved ones, he was the person everyone envied yet he always asked if he made the right decisions on the battlefield that sacrificed lives. they both feared death, yet it was the same thing that brought both of them together. Dreams will always be dreams, and reality will always be unmerciful.
1. encounter

anime/manga: shingeki no kyojin

pairing: OC x Rivaille

appearnce of OC: long light brown hair thats usually tied into a braided ponytail. large coral blue eyes and pale skin. 154 cm and 54 kgs. 27 years old.

(trying to make the age gap between them smaller because levi is in his early thirties.)

* * *

_I was sitting under a shady tree, leaning against the body of the tree. _

_The chirps of birds echoed throughout the place, the leaves of the tree above me dropping ever so gracefully._

"_I wish we could be together forever. Just like this exact moment." Said a man with short black hair as he tightened his arms around me._

_The sun was so bright and warm, under the shady tree his presence felt like the only thing that mattered at this exact moment. His arms felt secure around me, his warmth gently touching my hands._

_I felt infinite. With him, everything felt complete._

_The sunlight shone brightly hiding the blurred face of his, the only thing visible was the black locks of hair he had._

_He stood up, face still blocked by the sunlight, his hand extended out to me. This time, I could see a smile on his face, a smile that looked truly pure and peaceful. _

_As I extended my hand out, just inches apart from touching his pale fingers, the scene before me changed._

_The scene before me was a field of fire and bodies. Pure red blood was visible as it stained the ground and half-eaten bodies laid around the area._

_I was scared, the man was no longer there anymore. Instead, there were several large, tall beasts called titans scavenging the remnants of a body. The sound of their stomping footsteps could be heard throughout. Their large eyes looked back at me, with pure excitement written on their faces as they ran faster towards me._

_Their expression looked similar to an eagle looking at its prey, a prey that could never win against the predator._

_I was powerless. I couldn't fight against these monsters. I was truly afraid, I screamed in agony._

_Just as the titan's hand extended out, trying to capture me in its hands to gobble me up, a swift cut appeared on its hand, blood overflowing from its hands. _

_A man with short black hair holding two long blades was looking back at the titan. _

_It was the man from before, this time he didn't had the same warmth, except he felt like he was raged._

_He jumped up and then rushing against the titan, swiftly sliced the titan's face across, then leaping backwards and sliced the nape of the titan's neck._

_The titan falls with a large 'thump' sound to the ground. The titan's body eventually evaporating to thin air._

_The man looked back at me, blades still in his hands._

"_I'll protect you, forever." He said with a calm and soothing voice._

_A single teardrop had escaped his sharp grey eyes, as a large, lone shadow casted upon him._

_Another titan was behind him, this time the titan was stronger and faster, already catching the man in its hands._

_No, please don't. Don't eat him, no, not him._

_The man looked back at me with sorrowful eyes as he was about to get chewed by the titan._

_He had a small smile upon his face. The titan's mouth got closer to him; the titan was going to eat him._

"_No. Don't! Don't die!" I screamed with my hoarse voice._

_He extended his hand out, desperately trying to reach out._

_I extended my hand out, screaming "don't die!" _

_Everything was suddenly moving so slow, as I screamed in agony seeing red blood cover his body as the titan chewed in delight. _

_No. please, don't die!_

I jolted upwards, hand still extended out to thin air. My heartbeat was so fast I could have had a heart attack.

My eyes blinked in confusion as tears slipped down my cheeks. I retracted my hand, now wiping the salty water out of my eye.

It was a dream?

I steadied my breathing, taking deep breaths of air. I recollected the memories of the dream. It felt so real. I really thought, I was going to die, I really thought he was going to die.

Who was he? Do I even know him?

I looked at the clock beside my table, and my heartbeat skipped a beat.

Damn, I'm going to be late for the meeting!

…_._

I looked at the man in front of me. He had short raven hair and looked like he was in his early thirties.

This man although being only being half a head taller than me, he had the presence of a thousand soldiers.  
He was without a doubt the strongest soldier in the scouting Legion. Some say he alone equals to an entire brigade.

I have heard so much about him ever since I joined the scouting legion. Just how strong is he?

I was asked to join the meeting between commander Erwin and other squad leaders. Damn, why was I even here?

"Hey you." ordered Rivaille in his strict cold voice.

"Y-yes sir?"I asked politely towards my superior.

"Did you not hear the question? Where do you think should the special ops squad be placed in the formation?" asked Rivaille narrowing his intimidating grey eyes.

"It would definitely be the centre of the formation, behind the supply and wagon wheels. It's the most safest place in the formation." I said straightening my posture.

"Why should the most powerful team be placed in the safest place in the formation? We could decrease casualties if the special ops squad were placed in the outer circle." One of the squad leaders asked.

"If we were to fall first then who were to fight the stronger titans later on? It would also prove faster in dealing with an ambush." I replied calmly.

The meeting continued on with reports of supplies, food, and equipment. There would also be casualty reports and trainee recommendations.

I was trying very hard to concentrate on what they were saying. But I just wasn't meant for meetings, everything they talked about seemed so boring.

I don't get it. Why was I, someone who didn't have any title nor was I a squad leader, being called to such an important meeting?

Maybe I was going to get fired? Or was I appointed as commander Erwin's new secretary? Maybe they plan on using me as titan bait? Or will I be in charge of cooking meals at the stations from now on? No, I may have agreed to sacrifice my life on the line for mankind but I will not stoop so low as to cook mea-

"Rosaria Suede." Erwin said in his deep yet calm voice.

Great, now even the commander is calling my full name. I am so screwed. He's going to make me serve potatoes and soup at the stations because of my poor performance-

"Suede!" corporal Rivaille ordered with a strict voice.

"y-yes sir?!" I said apparently loud.

Rivaille glanced at Erwin and gave him a nod.

"Rosaria Suede, graduated top of the class from the 103rd trainee squad, shows determination, responsibility and top skill in missions. Tell me, why you joined the scouting legion even though you were the top ten among your class?" asked commander Erwin.

Oh god, they're really going to make me serve food at the stations. They're questioning my ability as a soldier for the recon corps. No. I worked hard to get into the scouting legion, I wanted change in humankind. I didn't want us to keep living behind walls and had half of our population getting eaten by the titans. I have to give them some proof of my abilities as a soldier.

"I joined the scouting legion because I wanted change. I don't want every one of us living in fear of the titans. I want to avenge the deaths of my comrades who died protecting humankind; I want to change our history. I want to stand up and fight for humankind; I will not sit back and cry in fear. As long as I am alive, I will fight till the end. This is my will as a soldier of the scouting legion." I said in a strong, determined voice.

I looked around me, commander Erwin and Corporal Rivaille looked somewhat shocked and had smirks on their faces.

Oh no, even after that honest speech they're going to send me to the stations and serve food. What the hell have I done to deserve this?!

"Congratulations suede. From today onwards you will be the lieutenant of the scouting legion's new special ops squad led by corporal Rivaille himself." Commander Erwin said with a smile.

I had ultimately stopped thinking the moment he had said that.

"harh…..?" I answered with a puzzled look.

"You have my great respect as a soldier, suede." Answered Erwin.

"So…I'm not going to get transferred to serve potatoes and soup at the stations?" I asked somewhat bluntly.

….

I sat beside Rivaille and Erwin as they commented on the performance of the notable soldiers before me.

Petra ral, 48 team kills, 10 solo kills. Frequently caring and kind, also somewhat serious.

Auruo Bossard, 39 solo kills, 9 team kills. Skilled soldier with high titan kill record, often bites his tongue when talking causing excessive bleeding.

Erd gin, 32 team kills, 14 solo kills. Does not talk much, but when he does he talks bluntly and straightforward.

Gunter Shulz, 40 team kills, 7 solo kills. Calm and serious at times.

They were indeed strong soldiers. To have them as part of the scouting legion was indeed an honor, they all had amazing stats and skills and were all valued as high-survivability rate soldiers.

They all stood in a straight posture, with their right hand balled into a fist that rested on the left part of their chest, their other hand at the back.

"Petra ral, Auruo Bossard, Erd gin, Gunter Shulz. From today onwards, you four will be under my direct supervision and will serve as part of the scouting legion's special ops squad!" Rivaille said in a loud voice.

"Yes sir!" all four of them said with strong voices and firm stances.

Commander Erwin smiled at the soldiers, and I couldn't help but smile too.

They were surely a symbol of the scouting legion, a hope of mankind.

…

"Nice to meet you all. From today onwards I'll be your lieutenant. You can all just call me Rose." I said in a happy voice.

"I didn't really think we'd be handpicked by Corporal Rivaille! I was really surprised back then!" yelled gunter.

"It's such an honor to be working with corporal Rivaille! I wonder what type of person is he?" asked petra.

"ah, maybe he's one of those shithead superiors that thinks we're just his pawns." Said Auruo.

"I don't know about you guys, but I won't die even if I'm ordered by him to kill myself. I have my pride and honor as a human." Erd said.

This isn't turning out really great. Everyone is simply guessing about rivaille's personality. I mean I barely know him…but he doesn't seem like such a bad superior.

"M-maybe we should get to know corporal rivaille first! I'm sure he's not a bad person." I said trying to ease their doubts.

"I heard that he used to be an underground thug before he joined the military! Until commander Erwin guided him into the military though." Said petra honestly.

Really? An underground thug?

The creeping sounds of the door opening could be heard.

Everyone froze at that exact spot, not daring to move a muscle.

I was the first to turn around, eyeing corporal Rivaille with trembling hands.

"Hey you guys." He said in his usual cold demeanor.

The other team members all turned their faces in fear, gulping down saliva.

"What the hell is that disgusting piece of shit doing in our office?" Rivaille said pointing to the tiny little stain on the edge of the wall.

"That tiny piece of infected bacteria that isn't even the size of my fingers, sir?" I asked somewhat honestly.

Rivaille looked at me with his eyes narrowing a death glare. His eyebrows furrowed, and I could see a tiny little vain visible in the edge of his forehead.

"well lieutenant. That tiny piece of infected bacteria is worth thousands of shit and if you all don't clean this fucking piece of shit you all won't be able to do your shit, is that clear?" he said while sending a death glare that could kill thousands of soldiers.

"y-yes sir!" I said while saluting him.

"I expect this place to be spotless clean in 5 minutes." Rivaille said while turning to the door.

I got the cleaning supplies from the storage area and started to rinse the edge of the wall with water, then scrubbing with a brush and soap, then rinsing it again.

The other members all looked in pity as their lieutenant was scrubbing the walls.

After five minutes corporal Rivaille returned and his face had horror written all over them. He had ordered every one of us to start scrubbing the entire office and said that he didn't want to see a single speck of dust when he returned.

So, the day began, as me and my subordinates scrubbed the entire office with sponges and lavender scented soaps (corporal and said he hated the lemon scent commander Erwin liked). We even ended up cleaning the toilets and the basement.

When Rivaille had returned, he had asked us to re-do the cleaning, a whole 38 times until he had decided to take out the rubber gloves he kept in his belt, and decided to scrub the floors himself.

It had taken us 8 hours 47 minutes to clean the entire damn freaking office.

Corporal Rivaille had a meeting to attend do and we were left in the now literally sparkling office with the scent of lavender.

"Fuck that shit. No one told me I would be signing up to be a maid." Said Auruo biting on his tongue.

"He told us to re-clean the entire room 38 times! Just because he didn't like the damn lemon scent of the floor!" Gunter yelled while ripping his hair.

"He told me to re-clean the entire toilet just because he didn't like the way how the plant was next to the sink!" petra said falling to the ground.

"I can't believe the strongest soldier of the entire military has OCD. Humankind has already lost the battle." Erd cried in disbelief.

"I seriously cannot move. Fighting titans were never this tired." I said as I sat in one of the sofas.

"Lieutenant Rose, will you be joining us on tomorrow's mini expedition?" asked petra.

"Rest assured. I and corporal Rivaille will be there." I replied with a smile.

"Well then, let's hope he won't order us to clean anymore! Let's get some rest for tomorrow's expedition." Suggested gunter.

…

The purpose of today's expedition was to ambush and capture two titans. It was simple yet risky.

"Alright, we will be in front of the cart wheels which are the center formation. We will be in charge of titan extermination and our job is to lure the titans and capture them alive. Any questions?" I asked.

"Isn't that sort of risky? To be leaving such a big job to us…" said petra.

"There will be backup to assist us, rest assured petra." I replied with a smile.

Corporal Rivaille had finally arrived, and we were now on our separate horses.

Commander Erwin yelled his battle opening speech and the gate opened.

It wasn't my first expedition outside the walls, but it was the first after being given a title and responsibility.

I have to look out for my comrades, I don't want them dying on our first expedition.

We start out by following the formation, cautious of our surroundings.

There should already be casualties on the front lines…damn.

"We have a titan approaching 30 meters from here, sir." Said auruo.

"Fire a flare, suede. The titan hasn't seemed to notice us. We'll keep going on." Rivaille said.

I put a round into the flare gun, that pointing towards the sky and fired it and red smoke appeared.

We continued on just like what corporal said. After a few minutes we saw black smoke from the west side.

"What should we do, corporal?" I asked eyeing him nervously.

" a deviant type titan huh…let's not engage battle just yet. Continue." Rivaille replied.

Petra and the others understood his order although we were all eager to help out the other flanks.

Black smoke was surrounding us for the continuing 5 minutes and we could hear large footsteps.

"corporal, shouldn't we engage battle now?" asked gunter.

"continue on." Rivaille said not looking back.

The atmosphere tensed up and everyone was deciding on what to do.

I spotted a titan approaching behind us and said "13m class titan approaching, corporal!"

But corporal didn't even flinch and just replied "let's speed up."

We sped up our horses and the titan was getting closer to us every second.

Everyone was anxious and terrified.

"corporal, it's getting closer! We need to engage battle!" yelled erd.

But corporal ignored him.

Damn it, it's getting closer!

We're almost to the ambush spot; we have to follow the orders.

The titan was just a few meters away from our horses and just as I was about to panic two soldiers come rushing towards us to back us up.

The two soldiers tried to fight desperately.

I almost panicked back there. I need to be calm.

"Just a few meters away from the forest, hang in there guys…" I said with sweat dripping down my forehead.

The soldiers were at a disadvantage because there weren't tall buildings or trees to make us of our 3DM gear.

One soldier got caught in the titan's hand and the soldier screamed in fear.

"damn it. I'm can't wait for orders anymore!" yelled petra as she already got off her horse and readied her blades.

"Shit!" I yelled stopping my horse in its tracks.

Petra jumped up and sliced her sword across the titan's eye, blinding it.

Then strikes the titan's hand and the soldier falls to the floor.

"you okay?" asked petra while giving the wounded soldier a hand.

The titan randomly attacked the ground by blowing strong fist attacks; his eyes were almost done regenerating.

The titan's hand had already regenerated and was ready to attack petra and the soldier.

I rush out in front of petra and the soldier then piercing my blade into the titan's hand and then doing a back flip and slashing my blade across the titan's chest.

If I could use my 3DM gear I could wipe out the titan's neck, but my best attack was just a slight cut to the chest.

"you guys, let's go now!" I yelled to them while rushing to grab their hands.

"he can't move! His leg is broken!" petra said in panic.

"what?!" I yelled.

The titan had already completely regenerated and was already landing an attack without me noticing.

Just as me and petra turned out heads the titan's hand were only inches away from us.

I'm not going to make it in time!

I grabbed the soldier's arm and pulled him behind me. I couldn't react fast enough to stop petra as she was in front of me.

Petra was scared and started trembling.

Just when I yelled petra's name in a devastated state, a swift cut formed on the titan's neck, leading to the overflowing blood.

Rivaille had saved us in time and finished off the titan.

"what the hell were you doing?! You could have gotten yourselves killed!" Rivaille yelled angrily.

Petra was shocked and could only mutter "i-I'm sorry!"

"if I wasn't there to saved your asses you were all going to be titan bait! You have to follow orders even if it means risking others' life!" Rivaille yelled to petra.

It was the first time I had seen corporal in such a state. I didn't really think he'd value the lives of mere soldiers and would follow orders that strictly.

Backup came and took away the wounded soldier.

"can you still continue, petra?" I asked while looking at her in the eye.

Petra nodded and we got back on our horses in a hurried way and followed the formation all the way to the forest.

In the forest only the center part of the formation were ordered to go in. the other flanks had either stayed on standby or went around the forest.

Two titans, a 9m class and a 5m class were already behind us.

"your orders, corporal?" I asked already readying my gear.

"we wait for the signal to attack." Rivaille replied.

Backup should be close by, we just need to be patient.

The excited looks on the titan's faces as they chased us was disgusting to experience. Even though they were only two titans, I doubt we could capture them that easily.

A red flare fired in front of us and Rivaille yelled "now!"

We all abandoned our horses and immediately used our gear to move towards the titan.

Backup soldiers had come out of their hiding spots and were already preparing to capture them with the equipment.

Auruo and gunter managed to hold down the 5m class titan, having already a team to mobilize its hands and feet, then a large chain around the neck.

We had trouble with the 9m class titan as it kept moving around and launching attacks on us.

I swiftly cut its torso, trying to buy some time for the team to mobilize its hands and legs.

But then the titan got excited and reached out to capture a soldier in its hands.

The soldier tried desperately to escape his death, but it was futile, nobody could stop the excitement the titan felt when eating humans.

I tried to attack the titan and stop it from devouring the soldier but I was already too late. When I managed to jump up and cut its jaw and hands, the soldier had already lost a hand with overflowing blood.

Petra immediately tended to the soldier, trying to stop the bleeding but she couldn't. the wound was too heavy and he lost too much blood.

Rivaille swiftly finished the job by cutting the titan's leg and gave enough time for the team to mobilize the titan.

Rivaille rushed to the side of the dying soldier.

"I can't stop the bleeding, corporal." Petra said with tears flowing down her cheeks.

Rivaille grabbed the soldier's blood stained hand and looked at him in the eye.

"Was I useful as a soldier, or will I die without helping humanity at all..?" asked the soldier.

"You have done a great deal and you will continue to do so. The resolve you leave behind will give me strength, I promise you I'll obliterate the titans!" Rivaille said with strong resolution.

The soldier had already rested in eternal peace when Rivaille finished his sentence.

"did he listen to every last bit of it?" asked Rivaille.

"I'm sure of it, corporal. He looks so peaceful already." Petra replied wiping away her tears.

My image of corporal Rivaille had totally changed. I suddenly saw him as a soldier and a superior that was brave, determined and gentle.

"I'm glad you're my superior, corporal…" I whispered to myself with a smile.

When I looked around, I'm pretty sure the images of corporal my comrades had were changed cause they all looked at corporal with tiny smiles.

The other teams took the soldier away and when Rivaille was about to leave Petra called out to him.

"corporal. I want to thank you for saving my life back then. I didn't know what I was doing and acted alone and disobeyed your orders. I'm sorry!" petra said while bowing her head.

"acting so rashly will only drag your comrades down the grave. remember that." Rivaille said with his calm voice.

Petra's eyes sparkled and she said "yes sir!"

…

"everyone we'll be leaving to go back to HQ in 10 minutes!" yelled mike as he dismissed the squad leaders.

Corporal Rivaille was walking over towards us and I noticed the dried blood on his left arm.

"Corporal, are you wounded?" I asked while taking his left arm.

"harh? It's nothing to be worried about, suede. We're almost leaving." Rivaille said.

"of course it's something to be worried about, sir! Just wait while I get the first aid kit!" I said while rushing off to the equipment carts.

When I came back I saw him sitting down on a log.

I knelt before him and examined the wound. It wasn't too deep but it'll need bandaging.

I washed the dried blood on his arm with water and saw him slightly wince in pain.

"oi, that hurts." He said resisting the urge to slap my hand away.

"It's to avoid infection, corporal. You should be more careful, I'm not always going to be there to tend to your wounds, sir." I said while applying a special ointment to the wound.

"You're my lieutenant remember? You're supposed to take care of me." Rivaille complained.

I sighed.

"Just promise me if you get a wound or something you'd at least have it tended. If you're that embarrassed about having others tend to it than just find me." I replied while bandaging his arm.

He looked at me a few seconds longer then avoided my gaze.

"You know corporal, when I first met you I thought you would be one of those assholes who only care about their life and title, but then I realized you have OCD and I thought you were going to force us into cleaning the entire HQ. but in the end you did force us to clean the entire office 38 times, so I guess you're still an asshole." I replied bluntly.

Rivaille looked at me with one of those gazes that could kill a million titans.

"You have 30 seconds to explain why I shouldn't have you fired, go." Rivaille said obviously annoyed.

"But then I saw you defend Petra by helping us kill the titan even though we disobeyed your orders , and how you comforted that soldier in his dying moments. You actually care about the lives of the people around you, and you would actually risk your life for your subordinates….I'm really happy that I got to be in your team, corporal." I said with a large smile.

Rivaille stared at me for a few seconds, and I could see a tint of red on his cheeks.

"I'm not that amazing at all. You did a good job today, suede. You defended your subordinates well and coördinated teamwork, your fighting skill wasn't that bad either." Rivaille said while ruffling my brunette hair with his free hand.

"t-thank you, sir!" I said while tying the finishing knots to his bandage.

"Alright team let's head out!" Rivaille said.

* * *

here we are guys my first SNK fic. gosh i was rushing to write this, though i hope I'll still have enough time to update 'the sapphire daisy pendant'. i was practically fangirling over rivaille after i finished till the ongoing manga and anime of SNK.

well i've also posted it on wattpad! you can search for me : liulishu

write me a review! :D


	2. façade

Chapter 2

Rivaille's p.o.v.

I sat at my desk, working obediently on a pile of reports Erwin ordered. It was the usual paperwork, reports of new formations, recruits, casualties, and all that shit.

I despised paperwork; it was a total waste of time. But still being humanity's strongest soldier and a corporal, I needed to fill these disgusting reports.

"Tea, corporal?" asked Rosaria holding a porcelain cup.

I looked up from my paperwork, eyeing the light brunette lieutenant with my usual cold gaze.

"Just put it on the table and get back to work, suede." I ordered.

She slightly nodded and left the porcelain tea-cup on my table.

Rosaria went back to her desk which was at the end of the room. Rosaria was doing her paper work; her serious look was amusing to look at, the way her coral blue eyes shifted from one paper to another.

Most of the soldiers described her as gentle and caring yet socially awkward. She always had a smile, even when she was talking to her subordinates. She always said 'thank you' to the lower ranked officers after sending the paperwork, resulting in many praises from the male officers.

It was beyond my expectations that Rosaria suede would be a lieutenant that obeyed orders and would be able to keep a smile when talking to me. Out of all the female soldiers I had met, there was only a single female that could smile while talking to me and that was the freak titan lover Hanji. Of course now I had a new person to add to the list.

I stared at the girl, how could she be the same girl I met that day?

(A/N: '…' is rosaria's thoughts, while underline is rivaille's thoughts.)

_5 years ago:_

_It was beyond disastrous. Wall Maria had been breached by titans and we had lost half of our soldiers. _

_Most of the casualties being trainees that had just graduated; they were all inexperienced and were too confident of themselves._

_I stood on a rooftop, being appointed as new corporal recently; I had already killed 15 titans on my own. A 15m class was just behind me, ready to catch me in its dirty hands._

_I slashed the titan's hands with a swift cut of my blades._

_A scream could be heard as a female soldier was trapped in the hands of a 13m class titan just a few meters away._

"_Lizbeth!" a girl with light brunette hair yelled._

_The girl with brunette hair watched in horror as her comrade was about to get eaten. The girl was scared; her face written with horror and hands trembled as she looked at the titan._

_She stood on the rooftop with her blades loosely gripped by her shivering hands as she looked at the titan with fear._

'_damn move!' she told herself._

_She was so scared by the titans that she froze, staring into the large eyes of the titan that were filled with excitement._

_Damn it, I have to go help those girls! The titan before me was troublesome; its hands had already __regenerated and were trying to catch me in its hands._

"_Rosaria help!" the female soldier yelled as she was just inches from the titan's mouth._

'_move! Move! Move!' she shouted in her mind, desperately trying to save the comrade in front of her._

_But she couldn't, she was too scared by the titan._

"_Rosaria!" the female soldier yelled in a desperate, broken tone._

_She couldn't stand it, she gulped in fear when she heard her comrade scream her name. Just as she looked at her comrade, she was already in the titan's mouth, her comrade's pleading eyes looking right back at her._

'_No. No.' she screamed in her mind, staring endlessly at her beloved comrade._

"_Rosa-!" the female soldier yelled in fear only to be stopped midway, by the teeth of the titan that chewed on her body._

_Blood overflowed from the mouth of the titan, tearing the corpse of the female soldier._

"_LIZBETH!" the girl yelled in a desperate tone._

_Damn it, I was too late. I quickly did a back flip and cut the nape of the titan's neck._

_The girl looked at the red blood dripping from the titan's mouth. She saw her own comrade die in the hands of the titan and yet, she wasn't able to save her, no, she had the chance, but she stood there staring like a coward all because she was damn scared!_

_The titan looked at the girl with excitement as she was its next meal._

_The girl's face of horror and fear turned dark. Her expression turned into a raged one._

"_FUCK THAT SHIT!" she yelled in rage throwing her blade into the skin of her right leg._

_Her flesh of her right leg bled like a waterfall, she had definitely used too much strength in that attack. But she didn't fucking care about the pain that her right leg felt, she looked at the titan with rage filled eyes._

_She cut herself just to corner her fear?! She even used her own blade to cut herself, just to let her instincts move and regain control over fear? Just how strong of a resolution did she had?_

"_You fucking bitches!" the girl yelled in a high-pitched voice as she gripped her blades tighter._

_The titan smashed its hand towards the girl, but the girl jumped in time and slashed the face of the titan with a swift cut._

_She then jumped backwards and slashed the titan even more, letting out her rage of losing a comrade in front of her eyes. _

_She was angered, desperately angry at herself for being a coward and letting her comrade die when she had a chance to save her All because she was fucking scared, her comrade had died while screaming her name._

"_HYAAAA!" she yelled in rage as she slashed the nape of the titan's neck recklessly._

_The titan's blood stained her uniform, but she kept on staring into the evaporating corpse of the titan._

_Her eyes of rage, her blood stained clothes, her endlessly bleeding leg, and her broken blades from the excessive strength she used, all proof that she was indeed a broken soldier._

_She stared at the titan endlessly, gripping her blades even tighter than before. She swore vengeance among the titans that killed her comrades, she saw nothing but a field of impudent monsters that she truly hated and despised. _

_She looked back at the titans that were only a few meters away from her, but she didn't hesitate just like before, her eyes mirrored nothingness, it lost the life it once had. _

_Her blank coral blue eyes stared into the field of titans; she threw her broken blades away, gripping new ones. She was devastated, broken, and fueled by anger. All she wanted was revenge._

_I saw the girl looking into the sea of titans. She didn't flinch nor did she hesitate, she was definitely a warrior, a warrior that survived her first battle of losing a comrade. She reflected lifeless eyes that only wanted revenge. This warrior was indeed __**broken **__after her first battle._

-end-

It was weird, I had expected Rosaria suede to be the hot-blood and rude lieutenant. Instead, she was anything but rude, but it was hard figuring out her personality.

**Who exactly was behind that mask of a smiling girl who bears the death of her comrades?**

I held the tea cup in my hands, sipping the weird yet sweet combination of tea leaves.

"Suede, what shit it this?" I asked looking at her.

She tilted her head, staring with a puzzled look.

"It's a combination of jasmine, dried rose and earl grey, sir." She said.

I sipped the tea again, it was different but definitely better tasting than the plain tea I had tasted.

"Where did you learn how to brew tea?" I asked somewhat curious.

She sweated and hesitated for a while, then answered "from an old friend, sir."

I nodded and avoided her gaze while I went back to work.

* * *

Rosaria's p.o.v.

I let out a sigh of relief after finishing my stack of paperwork. I looked out the window only to realize it was already dark outside.

I had tried my best to finish up my work without keeping my mind on the events earlier.

It was before breakfast that a soldier from my previous squad, led by mike himself, informed me of the death of my long best-friend and comrade since trainee days- Elizabeth Steins.

They were going to burn her corpse tonight and asked if I wanted to see her last face before the ceremony.

It took me all the calmness and pride I had to put up my bravest face and told the soldier I'd be there.

I looked up to the desk of corporal Rivaille, which was now empty. He had probably finished his work or was going to meet with commander Erwin.

I decided that I had finished all my current assignments and would see the last face of my comrade who died on the front lines.

~.~.~.~.

Many soldiers were grieving over the death of their comrades who fought along them. There weren't as many soldiers as before; most of them probably couldn't stand the pain they felt seeing their comrade's corpse burn to ashes.

I walked towards the wooden box which had corpse of soldiers, all waiting to be burned in strong fire and decreased to ashes.

I swallowed sliver at the pumping heartbeat I felt and the anxiety growing in my system.

I looked inside and saw various corpses of soldiers, some were only remnants of a hand or leg, and some even a whole head and some were even losing half its body.

I felt my stomach turn tables at the disgusting sight, but I held it in, those were the bodies of the soldiers who sacrificed their lives for humanity.

It was difficult to focus on searching for a familiar face, especially when all you could gather were the dead looks of the corpses, but after some time I found a familiar head of blond wavy hair and amethyst eyes staring wide with horror, but now those eyes reflected lifeless orbs of purple.

Without a doubt, this was the girl that I had met ever since I was a trainee back in camp. She was practically my best friend, always care-free and kind-hearted. It took her a lot of courage to join the scouting legion, but she eventually joined as a marvelous soldier.

I clenched my fists in rage, the only remaining comrade from my trainee days that joined the scouting legion, gone. Not one of my comrades survived, I was the last one standing. I looked back at her corpse, half-eaten and her lower half body gone.

Why did she even deserve this? She was always the kind one, the smart one and she was always there for me. So why did she have to suffer such a cruel death? First Lizbeth died because of my ignorance and fear, and more and more comrades died before my eyes, and now even Elizabeth, the last one I'd ever imagine going down.

Why them? None of them ever did anything wrong to deserve such a cruel death. If it was anyone who deserved to die, it was me. My comrades died before my eyes, all because of my inability to protect them.

_Damn, why did anyone of us deserve to die such cruel deaths?_

I looked at Elizabeth's face one last time, taking a deep breath and releasing my clenched fists, I turned around to only be greeted by watery brown eyes.

The petite girl before me was crying desperately, a look of guilt and sorrow that was all so familiar to me.

"i-I'm sorry Rose, i-it's my entire fault." The petite girl said in between sobs.

I looked at her with lifeless eyes for a moment and released the breath I was holding subconsciously.

"It's all my fault- if it weren't for me being so arrogant and stubborn about my first expedition, Elizabeth wouldn't have died. I'm sorry, Rose." The girl said in a desperate tone with tears falling again.

That look on her face, it was all so familiar. I had the same look after 'killing' Lizbeth in my first battle.

I put my hands on the shoulders of the petite girl, but she cried even more.

I gently patted her head and whispered "it's not your fault. It's nobody's fault." With the genuine smile I had.

She looked up at me with teary eyes and said "w-why? I killed your best friend, Rose! If I weren't so full of myself being the top 10 graduate in my class, I wouldn't have gotten so reckless and have Elizabeth cover my death!"

I pinched her nose and smiled.

"Everyone gets overly confident of themselves at first. Even I do. But it isn't okay to be too confident out on the front lines, you'll only drag your comrades down to their own deaths." I said with a staring gaze.

Her eyes reflected even more guilt.

"But everyone makes mistakes. Someday you have to accept them and move on. But isn't okay to just forget about their deaths and sacrifices, you have to make sure their deaths mean something. Their sacrifices will be your will and power to fight on the battlefield, and don't let their deaths perish in vain." I said with sad blue eyes staring back at her.

She started crying even more, saying she will take my words and will not let her death perish in vain.

They started burning Elizabeth's corpse along with the other soldiers. The strong and hot orange-yellow flame burned, causing their corpse slowly reducing into ashes.

I looked at the fire, thinking about all the comrades that died before my eyes. I thought back to what I had said, and laughed at my naiveté.

I could say those exact words to someone else to stop their sufferings, but why can't I direct those exact words at myself? Why am i living in fear of my comrade's deaths? Why am i afraid of my past? Why am I distancing myself from everyone?

I couldn't admit it. I had always put on that tough façade of a soldier. In truth, I was truly afraid of my comrade's death, I distanced myself from most people so that if they died, it wouldn't hurt that bad.

As I looked into the mesmerizing flames of fire burning the last remnants of sacrifices made by brave soldiers, I whispered to myself "your death will not be in vain, I will take my revenge on the titans who murdered humanity. Your death will be my strength, so rest in peace…"

Shortly after staring into the fire of corpses, I walked away to find my peace of mind, remembering the short-lived memories of my best friend and comrade. Putting on my façade again, hiding the sorrow I felt of the death of my comrades.

Little did I know, there was a pair of pale grey eyes staring at me the whole time.

* * *

Rivaille sat next to his team in the mesh hall. Eating his oatmeal only to be accompanied by the interactions of auruo and gunter.

"so, Auruo. Let me get this straight, you just happened to cut your hair out of frustration, and just happened to wear a cravat, exactly like corporal." Gunter asked with eyes narrowing on auruo.

"I'll do whatever the shit I want." Auruo replied proudly.

"He's even imitating corporal, geez." Petra said sighing.

"There's a big difference when corporal and you say those shitty puns." Erd says.

"it's because he lacks the appearance to say them, erd." Petra replied.

"I have to agree with you on this one, petra." Gunter replied.

They started laughing and took note to joke about Auruo's bad taste of words.

"Have you seen Lieutenant Rose? It's rare that she isn't present for breakfast." Petra asked.

"Maybe she isn't done with her shit just yet." Auruo said, imitating Rivaille again.

That's right, suede isn't here for breakfast.

It was weird not having her around; usually she was the one who laughs a lot during breakfast.

I recall seeing her at last night's cremation of the soldiers who sacrificed their lives bravely.

The way her coral blue eyes looked when she saw her comrade's corpse, the way she encouraged that girl who was guilty for the death of her comrade, the way her eyes looked so hopeless and lifeless.

In truth, she was the one who needed someone's company to console her through the death of her best friend and comrade, yet she was the one who hid those feelings of sorrow and kept her head high.

She was indeed a warrior, a warrior that was afraid of letting the weaker side of her shown to others.

"corporal, what are you staring at?" asked petra as she looked with a worried gaze.

"just get your shit together, we're having a hand-to-hand combat practice session today." I ordered.

"see, the way corporal says it is way more threatening that the way you say it, Auruo." Gunter stated.

~.~.~.~.~.

Rivaille walked in to his office, eyeing Rosaria leaning against the wall, staring outside the window.

Her light brunette hair swayed in the wind, her front bangs covering her coral blue eyes that revealed so much more emotions that her actions.

She kept on staring into the wilderness, not noticing the presence of her own superior.

"You look like you can't shit, suede." Rivaille said in his usual deep tone.

Rosaria was startled and immediately saluted him. "Good morning, corporal." She said hiding the anxiety in her voice.

Rivaille sat on the edge of his desk; legs crossed and held the tea-cup to his mouth, sipping the tea that was freshly brewed by Rosaria.

"You have a look of constipation on your face, suede." Rivaille said eyeing Rosaria.

"Just tired, corporal." Rosaria replied trying to shoo off the subject.

Rivaille looked at her a second longer, then averting his gaze back to the tea cup he held.

"There's a hand-to-hand combat practice session later, don't forget." Rivaille said.

Rosaria looked puzzled and asked "why is there a need to practice hand-to-hand combat, sir?"

"You'll understand later on, now get back to work suede." Rivaille said.

Rosaria nodded and continued on with her work, avoiding all thoughts about the previous night.

~.~.~.~.~.

Rosaria takes off the straps of her 3DMG, removing the blades and hand-grips attached to her body. She then neatly ties her usually braided light brown locks of hair into a high ponytail, stating that her hair tends to get on her nerves during fighting.

Gunter and Erd noticed the change in rosaria's hairstyle.

"You look so serious with that hair, Rose." Gunter said.

She simply laughed it off and gathered with the other members of the special ops squad at the back of the HQ.

Rivaille arrives shortly and states that today's practice in maintaining teamwork and body movements.

Erd paired with Gunter, while Petra was paired with Auruo.

Rosaria eyed the two pairs with curiosity as they battled each other, hitting and side-kicking.

"Suede, you're paired with me." Rivaille ordered with a strict look.

Rosaria was surprised by his words and immediately answered "yes sir!"

Rivaille rolls up his sleeve and adjusted his cravat, then dusting off the dust off his boots.

Rosaria was practically nervous about fighting her superior, she was worried she might embarrass herself.

Rivaille got into a fighting stance and asked "you ready, suede?"

Rosaria nodded and focused on the incoming attacks of Rivaille.

She barely dodged the swift kick of rivaille's right foot, and she only made it to blocking rivaille's punches with her arm.

She finally goes in to swiftly trap rivaille's legs by using her leg muscles and then tripping him over. Using his arm muscles he leans against the ground to kick rosaria's right leg with full force, causing her to topple over but quickly regains her footing and lands multiple punches towards rivaille's face.

Rivaille dodge her punches expertly though he was caught off guard when she landed a side kick to his shoulder, using enough strength to make him wince from the impact.

Rosaria was about to end the fight with a fast punch towards rivaille's chest but he was fast enough to stop her fist and caught her off guard. He quickly trips Rosaria, causing her to fall face first on the ground with a large 'thud' sound.

Rivaille straightens his posture and relaxes his legs muscles.

"Get up, Suede." Rivaille ordered staring at her figure.

Rosaria gets up and her coral blue eyes stare back at sharp blue ones, this time her eyes reflected more anger and concentration. She quickly lands multiple punches towards Rivaille, not even hesitating to punch his face.

Rivaille sees the seriousness in her attacks and doesn't hold back his strength. He tried to kick her stomach, but only to be stopped by her hands midway then being pulled by her strength.

They were both evenly matched, attacking and blocking each others' attacks with ease. The other pairs were already taking a break but Rivaille and Rosaria were still fighting.

Rosaria panted as she took a step back from Rivaille, steadying her breath.

Rivaille wasn't panting that much and wiped the sweat off his forehead.

"filthy." Rivaille muttered as he took out a cloth to wipe his sweat from his hand.

Rosaria took this as an opening and immediately rushed in to side kick rivaille's face. Rivaille noticed her intent and used this opportunity to grab her arm and flip her to the ground with a large 'thud' sound.

Rosaria rubbed her back as she winced in pain from the impact.

Rivaille extended his left hand out towards the girl with his usual cold look.

Rosaria was surprised but took his hand anyway; Rivaille pulled her hand so that she could stand again.

Rivaille pulled rosaria's hand even stronger, causing her to crash into rivaille's shoulder.

Rivaille leaned in closer to her, whispering "everyone suffers lost. Even I do. It's okay to express these emotions, because we're all just human." In a low toned voice.

Rosaria was stunned by his words, mouth agape and was about to question him but Rivaille released his grip on her hand and walked away.

Rosaria stared into the woods, mouth twitching and eyes wide. His words were so warm….those was the exact words she had always craved to hear, but her walls were so high that no one could ever climb it.

She asked herself what did Rivaille really meant? He can't possibly have figured out that she was grieving over the deaths of her comrades; she had hidden those emotions all too well. Was it just a coincidence? If it was, what was Rivaille referring about?

Rosaria looked back at rivaille's figure as he talked to petra, the same intimidating grey eyes that show coldness.

Those eyes were all too familiar; those were the eyes of someone who had suffered lost and pain, the same as her coral blue ones.

* * *

Sorry for the lengthy and boring chapter. This chapter was in desperate need to develop character personality and describe rosaria's feelings. This story mainly focuses on the concept 'everyone is just human. They have their own sufferings and problems and they can't escape them forever.' As you can see Rivaille has been through this exact phase and can see perfectly through her façade. This story mainly focuses on Angst and Romance, but there is slight tragedy compared to the SNK manga.

Please bear with me as I usually take character development seriously and always take it slow, so please be patient until we get to the fun part. Be sure to follow this story and thank you to everyone for giving this story a chance. (OC stories tend to get ignored although there are a couple OC stories that are really worth reading.)

**So be sure to leave a Review! They make me have a boost in updating!**

Lailaygirl: thank you so much for the review, it means so much to me :D hope you'll be patient in following these lengthy chapters!


	3. Breaking

Chapter 3 

Rosaria's p.o.v.

"_hey, rose. Which squad are you joining?" asked Elizabeth with her amethyst eyes staring back._

"_I think I'll join the scouting legion, lizzy." I replied._

_(Elizabeth is the girl who died in the previous chapter, the last of rosaria's friend since trainee days that joined the scouting legion. Her nickname is lizzy.)_

"_Eh, but you're in the top ten of the class! Don't you want to join the military police and live in wall sina?" asked Elizabeth, blond wavy hair covering her petite face._

"_I've thought about it, but I still think joining the scouting legion is the best choice. After all, my past is connected to the scouting legion after all." I replied._

"_Aren't you scared, rose? Having to go beyond the walls to fight titans?" asked Elizabeth._

"_I am. In fact, I don't think I'd be able to survive on my first expedition." I replied._

_She had a puzzled look._

"_**But I don't want to live in a world without a future. I want to fight, fight for freedom and peace. Just like**__**what the emblem of the scouting legion means, the wings of freedom. It's scary, but it's even scarier**__**to fear something for the rest of your lives. Why not fight for it so you don't you have to fear it anymore?" **__I replied._

_Elizabeth stared at me for a second longer. _

"_You're a brave person, rose. That's what I like the most about you." Elizabeth said as a smile graced her lips._

_In truth is, I'm scared. I'm scared of everything; I'm scared of death, scared of titans, scared of living. Living is such a painful process, having to bear the pain of losing the people you love, having to move on and fight the things you're afraid of. It's terrifying. _

_But I wanted courage, I put on that brave front of a soldier who was prepared to die. But that façade was slowly breaking to pieces, I was prepared to die on the battlefield - __**to escape bearing this unbelievable pain of living in fear.**_

I woke up, hands covering my puffy and tired eyes. I slowly opened my eyes, scanning the still black room of mine.

I've had a lot more nightmares lately. You couldn't really call it a nightmare; it was more of a…fragment of my memory. Elizabeth's death triggered so many hidden emotions and memories, but there was no time for that. Humanity is still in dire situations, I have to be strong, _and I need to._

Throwing the thick bed sheets that were covering my body, I stood up from my bed. It's time to wake up and face another day of _living._

* * *

Rivaille's p.o.v.

The morning breeze blew my raven hair to the sides, the cold breeze making me slightly shiver. It was still early, the sun has barely risen and most of the soldiers were still in bed.

I couldn't sleep; it was hard to fall asleep these days. Insomnia was hugging me tightly like I owed it my life.

I leaned on the wall by the windowsill, catching glances of the now purple-blue vivid sky. It was a peaceful day indeed; if titans didn't exist I was sure I'd be out cleaning my room.

I glanced over at the desk before me; there were neatly arranged books and papers. Suede's desk was neat and tidy, a trait I seemed to acknowledge, and I wouldn't be able to stand a messy lieutenant.

Her curly handwriting written in black ink covered the white stacks of paper. She was definitely a hard worker, to be able to write all those reports even before Erwin had ordered it. I couldn't help but stare into the piece of paper with names written all over. In the middle part of the paper, the name 'Elizabeth Steins' was crossed out by a long thick line using red ink.

It must have been hard, to lose your best friend in battle. She must have felt undeniable pain and grief; the looks of her coral blue eyes were always so…sad and distant.

I glanced back at the view outside the window; the sky seemed so grey suddenly. Grey clouds surrounded the distant part of the sky; it was going to rain later.

I noticed a small figure running around the small pathway outside. She was running with thin clothes even though the weather was cold. Sweat ran down the forehead of the girl, she was panting as she ran faster.

I narrowed my pale grey eyes and realized it was suede, running laps around the HQ.

At this early in the morning? No one would be able to withstand such cold weather and would still run laps.

I looked back at the running figure, cold coral blue eyes staring off into nothingness.

She was indeed, a hard worker, too hard for my opinion.

* * *

Rosaria's p.o.v.

I was sitting on the end of the table, with the other lieutenants of other squads. On the other end of the table, was commander Erwin. We were having a meeting about training the new recruits, since the squad leaders were usually busy, guiding recruits and teaching them about the basics of scouting legion was standard procedure.

To my left was lieutenant Len, best friend since I joined the scouting legion. He was like an elderly brother image to me, he was always funny and made jokes during the most intense moments.

"There are times when lieutenants are needed to be in command; it is either when the squad leader is dead or injured. You will all prove your leadership skills in one week. We will have an expedition to decide the new chief lieutenant that will command all squads in situations that squad leaders are not present. Instead of having squad leaders command each team, all lieutenants will take the place of the squad leader and guide their team. "Said Erwin in his usual deep voice.

An expedition to decide the new chief lieutenant? Isn't it too dangerous for the squads to act solely under a lieutenant's supervision?

"isn't it too dangerous to hold such an expedition? What if some of us made the wrong decision and sacrificed the lives of our comrades?" asked another lieutenant.

Wrong decision….one wrong decision and it could lead all our comrades to a death wish. I narrowed my eyes at Erwin, anticipating what he was going to say next.

"Without holding a risky expedition the higher-ups won't be able to decide the chief lieutenant. We have to hold an expedition to show whose leadership skills and choices will guide humanity to its victory in dire situations. We cannot avoid casualties but we can lessen the casualties, all squad leaders will be stationed around the area to aid in case of the worst case scenario." Erwin replied with a strong gaze towards each lieutenant.

"What are we supposed to do, commander?" asked Len.

"Transporting supply wagons to Shiganshina District in preparation to retake wall maria." Answered Erwin.

(A/N: scouting legion has been in preparation to retake wall maria. It seems that the only way to get to wall Maria is by going through the gate then through the forests/ wilderness. )

"can I make a suggestion, commander?" I asked.

Erwin nodded.

"we can't say for sure all the lieutenants, including myself are prepared to take on the role of giving commands without the squad leader's supervision, in case if something goes wrong, I'd like to use a way to notify the squad leaders of immediate backup. I suggest using a different colored flare if the lieutenants consider the situation out of hand." I said with eyes glancing at each lieutenant.

"Appropriate procedure for such a risky task. We will appoint yellow flare as the indication of immediate backup when the lieutenant deems the situation dire." Replied Erwin.

"is that all, sir?" asked another lieutenant.

"that is all. I expect everyone of you to be ready and please do not let me down." Erwin said as the meeting was dismissed.

"so, any thoughts on the position of chief lieutenant?" asked Len, his head of blonde hair glistening under the sunlight.

"Not really. I'm more worried about the casualties we'll face in the expedition. I don't want my men dying all because the higher-ups need to decide on a chief lieutenant." I replied bluntly, wiping away the strand of hair in my forehead.

"Rose, death is a common thing in the military-" Len said halfway.

"Yes it's common, but it doesn't mean I'll let my guard down. I don't want to face more sacrifices made by my comrades." I said with threatening coral blue eyes staring at him.

He's indigo eyes locked gazes with mine.

"You're that troubled about Elizabeth's death, huh?" Len said, not averting his gaze.

I immediately avoided his gaze, and found myself clutching my fists tightly.

He was right, Elizabeth's death was still haunting me like a ghost. I can't sleep well at night just because I keep having nightmares of Elizabeth, sometimes even our memories together. I was never one to cope with losing loved ones; it was always the hardest to accept death.

"Rose, Elizabeth was prepared to die for humanity. That's why she joined the scouting legion. Yes, it's hard to accept the fact that she's gone, but you need to know that it's not your fault she died." Len said, indigo eyes staring intensely.

I know, Len. I know it's not my fault she died, I know It's common for there to be deaths. _I just terribly miss her, I just….wished she didn't die. _

I clenched my fists even harder, I can't let these emotions take the better of me.

"I need to get back to the office; corporal's going to kill me if I don't head back now." I said in a strong voice as I rushed out of the hall leaving a confused Len alone in the hallway.

When I got back to the office, Corporal was not at his desk. I walked over my desk to find a piece of paper attached to the surface of my desk.

'Get the reports done, Suede.'

Looks like It's going to be an all-nighter tonight, it was fine anyway since I couldn't sleep at night. When I sat down, I couldn't help but think about what Len told me.

Elizabeth….why did you even have to die?

I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't realize someone knocking on the door.

"Lieutenant Rosaria?" asked someone from the door.

I was knocked away from my thoughts and cleared my throat then saying "come in."

An officer who seemed to me in charge of tending to the horses walked over to my desk.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Lieutenant. But it seems that Elizabeth Steins's horse is not willing to coöperate with the other soldiers. The horse seems to be in an agitated mood since the death of Elizabeth Steins. Since you're close friends with Elizabeth we were wondering if you could help tend to her horse." Said the officer.

I shifted my gaze from the officer to my desk then said "Sure. I'll take care of Elizabeth's horse."

* * *

Sensing it was already dark and most of the soldiers were already in bed, I got up and left the scattered paperwork on my desk. I knew how much corporal Rivaille hated messy paperwork, but I needed to come back later and finish the work so why bother stacking them into a pile?

I walked over to the stables, greeted by a night sky that didn't have a single star above.

I walked into the small stable, eyeing a horse that had glistening black fur and glass eyes.

We soldiers treat horses as our comrades, they go with us on the battlefield, and without them we wouldn't be able to return to base.

"Hey, Silvia." I said with a reassuring smile.

The horse looked up from its sitting stance, eyeing me half-heartedly.

Seeing Silvia, Elizabeth's horse reminds me so much of our memories together. Elizabeth was always so fond of her horse, she had always personally brushed and fed the horse she deeply loved.

Now with Elizabeth gone….the horse she left looks so lonely. I eyed the horse again, seeing its glass eyes look up at the sky.

I reached for the bag of oats from the corner of the stable and grab a handful of it. I walked over to the horse and extended my handful of oats out. The horse merely shifted gazes and avoided my hand.

"why aren't you eating, Silvia? Lizzy would get mad if she knew." I said.

The horse merely neighed.

I brushed the horse's soft black fur, then asked again "Elizabeth would get mad if she knew how we're both like this…wouldn't she?"

The horse didn't respond to any of the soldier's help, instead all the horse did was sat in a corner, waiting for her master to come back.

But she wouldn't. She was dead.

I hugged the horse, ignoring the smell of dirt and grass.

"Lizzy's dead. You need to move on, Silvia. She won't come back." I said with closed eyes as tears threatened to fall.

The horse looked at me with sad looking eyes.

"Ever since trainee days, Elizabeth was the kind and strong friend. She was always so kind, giving advice and helping me out when instructor keith ordered me to run laps for 5 hours. I remember her defending me, and it caused both of us to run laps for 6 hours." I said silently, talking to the horse and wondered if it knew what I meant.

"she was always so kind and caring. Everyone admired her, she had a great impact on me…she was just…the only friend I had left….my comrades who joined the scouting legion died one by one…and when I thought Elizabeth was the only one left…she left." I said with a slightly trembling voice.

I took a deep breath holding my hands together tightly.

"I really miss her. I wished she was here, by my side. I wish she didn't die. I wish I didn't let her join the scouting legion, she could have survived. Why did such a kind person have to die such a cruel death? Why?!" I yelled only to be responded with silence.

"why…why did they have to leave me behind…everyone of them…why couldn't it have been me…?" I said with silent sobs as tears fell down my cheeks.

I dropped to the ground, clenching my fists in despair.

Damn it, my emotions were running all over the place. I couldn't stand it, I was angry at myself. Why couldn't I save my best friend?

Tears fell again…this time the sobs got louder.

Ever since I was born, everyone has left me. Mum, dad, Edward's father, Lizbeth, Elric, Richard, Trish, Carolina, and now even Elizabeth.

(A/N: Edward here is an important character. He'll appear in the later chapters. )

There's a limit to when people can keep up with their emotions for so long. Some would lose their emotions at that exact moment, some could lose their emotions after a long period of years. We were all human, there could only be an extent to when our emotions would breakdown, leaving a crumbled, broken piece of _us. _

That time, was now. I could not feel or focus on anything else other than the emotions sliding through my cheeks as water dripped from the corner of my eyes. I just lost it. Trapping all those desperate emotions inside was like a bottle of gas ready to explode. I couldn't contain those emotions anymore, I was losing it.

I couldn't stand losing a best friend, losing someone that I had spent years together with. Every time I see something I can't help but think 'I wonder what Elizabeth's reaction would be?' 'I'm sure Elizabeth would have been so interested in him' 'I have so many things to tell Elizabeth'

But truth is, she's dead. She's gone. She's not here anymore. She's faded into the heavens after dying an epic death, sacrificing her life for humanity.

Why is humanity so cruel? Why did it have to take away all the things I love?

I clenched my hands together, desperately trying to stop the trembling of my hands.

I covered my mouth with one hand, trying to stop the hiccups and sobs from getting louder.

I could hear soft rustling of leaves outside, was someone still up at this hour?

I heard the rustling noises getting closer, as if it sounded like footsteps.

Please go away, I can't let anyone see me like this.

I felt the rushing heartbeat, the feeling of adrenaline rushing. It felt like as if my heart was beating so fast in fear I could have fainted at that moment.

Still restraining my sobs and tears from breaking the silence, I covered my mouth even tighter. Until I heard the rustling sound stop just behind me.

"suede?" asked someone with a deep voice.

Shit. It's the corporal. I can't let him see me like this. The world just hated me.

He approached my figure, standing just a few spaces behind me.

"what are you doing this late?" he asked with eyes narrowing to look at me.

I didn't respond.

"suede, why aren't you answeri-" Rivaille said halfway as he grabbed my shoulder to shift my body.

I saw his intimidating grey eyes widen slightly as he gripped my shoulder, revealing my tear-stained face.

My coral blue eyes quickly shifted gazes. I felt embarrassed, to show tears in front of your superior was not something a newly appointed lieutenant should do.

I took a deep breath, quickly steadying my voice from more sobs.

I didn't dare look at the corporal, I didn't want him to think of me as a weak, frail girl and his decision to appoint me as lieutenant was wrong from the start.

I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand, quickly standing up and turning my back against the corporal. All I wanted was to run away, run away from everything. My heart was so tired, I didn't have the energy to see my pride crumble in pieces.

Just as I was about to step away from the stable, a firm hand gripped my wrist.

I didn't dare look back, instead I stayed silent.

"Suede, why are you crying?" Rivaille asked.

I didn't respond.

"Suede!" Rivaille said annoyed.

"Please…just let me go….it's nothing….so please let me go…"I muttered without facing him.

Rivaille looked at her with furrowed eyebrows.

Rivaille grabbed hold of both of her frail shoulders, now facing her with just an inch of space between them.

I was stunned, I looked at his pale grey eyes that were so intimidating. I didn't dare speak nor move.

"Suede, if it's nothing then why are you even crying? Do you not trust me to tell me anything?" he asked with his usual strict, cold look.

"N-no. I don't want you to think of me as…weak…" I muttered with a low voice.

Rivaille sighed any gripped my shoulders tightly.

"Listen, suede. Everyone is weak, everyone has their ups and downs. Life is not a smooth sail on a river, it's a shitty roller coaster that turns and spins and causes everyone to spit. No one is perfect, no one is strong, it's because we are all human. Sometimes we try to lock away these emotions, but we can never betray them, these emotions will someday surface and cause us to suffocate. **It's up to us to accept these emotions with courage, or continue betraying and lying to ourselves**." Rivaille said locking gazes with my eyes.

(A/N: I don't think the roller coaster was invented at that time, but you get the point.)

I gulped. More tears threatened to fall as I look into his deep, mesmerizing pale grey eyes. I desperately try not to sob but I'm betrayed by my emotions.

He couldn't help but sympathy the girl before him. He had felt those exact emotions back then, he had also been through what it felt- _to lose such an important friend._

He didn't want to see her suffer any longer; he couldn't help but look into her pale, coral blue eyes that reflected pain and sufferings, just like his intimidating ones.

"You don't have to say anything…just let them all out…" he said as he hugged the short girl and let her head bury deep in his chest.

I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I couldn't stop the sobs that escaped my mouth. I couldn't help but bury my face deeper into his chest, it felt so safe.

He didn't utter a word yet all that could be heard was my sobbing and cries. He just embraced me, and kept me glued together, kept me from _breaking _any further.

I couldn't help but let loose all the wild, locked emotions I had ever since I first experienced _death. _I hugged his chest, not being able to control to save my pride.

We stood there, hugging each other, as I cried and screamed in agony and despair. He held me close to his chest, his features glistening in the moonlight. Even though I was crying my heart out I felt that the sinking feeling of a giant rock was slowly lifting from my chest.

At that moment, I truly felt at ease, because it was the first time I had experienced such gentle warmth, a chest to lean on and to cry without limits.

* * *

Rivaille's p.o.v.

I carried the light brunette girl in my arms as I walked towards my room. Her brunette hair was a mess and her eyes were now puffy and red even though they were shut tightly.

I turned the knob to my door and laid her down on my big sized bed.

She laid there with a sad expression on her face, soft snores could be heard that escaped her pale pink lips.

I can't believe she had fallen asleep from exhaustion after crying and clinging onto me like a lifeline. I turned to look at her sleeping face, frail like it would break any second.

I removed her knee-high boots and tucked her in bed.

I couldn't find her room key and thus bringing her back to my room was the only reasonable thing to do. I covered her body with the thick sheets and wiped the tears away from the corner of her eyes.

"such an idiot." I said out loud with a sigh.

I remember seeing scattered paperwork on her desk and wondered where she had gone to this late at night. Suede was a neat person who liked to keep things organized and seeing the paperwork scattered told me that she would be back to finish them. It was very late and I didn't want going through the trouble of having a lieutenant not sleeping properly. I heard from petra that she was going to the stables and when I found her, she looked so broken.

I ruffled my raven hair in annoyance and decided to discard my now, wet from tears and snot cravat.

I changed into more comfy clothing and grabbed the extra pillow and sheets over to the sofa.

I took one last glance at the now sleeping soundly frail girl, and decided to blow the candlelight.

Tomorrow will be such a shitty long day.

* * *

Did you all like the chapter? If you did leave me a comment! YES comments make me update faster.

Anyways: I changed the eye color of both Rosaria and Rivaille. It was initially planned for Rosaria to have coral blue eyes but I got too confused (since my OC in gods eater burst had aqua green eyes). Rivaille's eyes are now grey! (after much editing after posting this chapter for like a week?)

**Question: can you guess who Edward is? I'll give you a hint, the relationship Rosaria and Edward shares is similar to a certain- sapphire eyed boy who wears an eye patch and a blond girl who likes cute dresses but can manage to kill zombies with her fencing skills. (yes it's from an anime. The eye patch is a total giveaway)**

Yes I watched episode 21 of snk, and I must say I feel like jumping off a cliff. WHY DID THEY HAVE TO DIE? I miss the special operations squad. It's just another 5 weeks and SNK will be over. NOOOOO I need my daily dose of levi.

To the reviewers:

Falicia tremiere: thank you! Leave a comment for this chapter too~

Lailaygirl: thank you so much for the support! I'm so sad I won't be hearing anymore bad imitation jokes coming from Auruo and Petra since they died in the recent episode.

**LEAVE A REVIEW! **I'll be posting some bonus scenes and spoilers on tumblr, so be sure to follow me! You can also leave a fanfiction suggestion in my profile! -liulishu


	4. fight

Chapter 4

Rosaria's p.o.v.

I turned in my sleep, grabbing the soft sheets to cover me like a little girl. I buried my face deeper into the pillow, accompanied by an unfamiliar, minty scent.

Since when did my pillow smell like toothpaste?

I stirred again, trying my best to convince myself that I was just dreaming about swimming in a toothpaste river.

Wait- I can't swim.

I immediately woke up, greeted by the unfamiliar surroundings of white walls and tidy furniture.

I realized this wasn't my room; the plain white walls were too plain for it to be mine.

I was sleeping in a wide bed, fitted for two persons. The thick sheets were fluffy and soft, too soft for my liking. My eyes landed on the desk fitted with reports and paperwork. I realized how clean the room was when there wasn't a speck of dust visible.

The next thing my eyes landed on made me lose my breath, corporal Rivaille was laying on a sofa, snoring soundly with thin sheets to cover him. The way he's ivory skin glistened in the sunlight, he's raven hair slightly swaying in the cold air made him seem so innocent. I couldn't help but let a small smirk escape my lips as I eye him with curiousness. The usual stoic clean-freak looked so care-free and relaxed in his sleep.

After moments of thinking I remembered last night's events. The way how I was anchoring onto him like a sunken ship, how I cried and sobbed in his arms. Everything was so numb; it's like getting drunk but having your consciousness with you.

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks, how could I end up sleeping in my superior's room? At least I still had my pants on.

I quietly stood up from the bed, debating with myself whether to wake him up from his stiff sleeping position or let him continue his slumber. After putting on my boots, I quietly walked over to the sleeping man and pulled up the sheets to his neck, covering him almost completely. I smiled to myself and gently walked over to the door, praying that no one would be there to see me leave his room.

* * *

While I was working on my fair share of reports I slacked off on from last night's unexpected breakdown, I continued on thinking over and over about the image of me burying my face in rivaille's chest.

It must have been so embarrassing, how could I let corpora Rivaille see my weak side? He surely doubts my abilities as a soldier now.

Heck, he might even be thinking off changing his lieutenant, or worse kicking me off the special ops squad.

I was so immersed in my thoughts I didn't realize a certain raven haired man walk in, sitting in his desk oh so casually, while sipping on freshly brewed tea I had make earlier that morning.

"Suede, pick up your jaw from the floor. It's filthy." Rivaille said eyeing his reports without looking at me.

I was finally awakened from my thoughts and dropped my pen from the shock.

I immediately closed my gaping mouth, and rearranged the papers in a neat order.

I was debating with myself whether I should act like nothing happened, thank him, or beg him for forgiveness.

Rivaille let out a soft yawn and looked miserably at his now empty tea-cup.

It's all my fault, if it weren't for me corporal wouldn't have to sleep on the sofa and look at him, he has large bags under his intimidating grayish eyes.

"I'm sorry, corporal…for causing you trouble last night..." I muttered silently.

Corporal looked up from his paperwork and eyed me with intimidating grey eyes that never failed to make me shiver.

"I can't hear the shit you're saying, suede." Rivaille said.

"I'm sorry for causing you trouble when I should have acted more professionally as your direct 2nd-in-command, corporal!" I yelled with eyes squinted in embarrassment.

"Well, suede. It's good to know that you know how much trouble I went through last night. You don't expect me to let you off the case, do you?" Rivaille said with his nerves popping on his forehead.

I gulped.

"No sir!" I said obediently.

"Good, now follow my orders and prepare with Erd and the others for equipment checking. I want everything to be well-prepared for next week's expedition." Rivaille said.

"harh? That's all?" I asked, a little too blunt.

"Do you want something more severe as a punishment, suede? Then run laps around the HQ for 3 hours once you're done with Erd." Rivaille said staring at me with a bored look.

What?! 3 hours? There's no way in hell I can keep up for that long!

"And get me a cup of coffee while you're at it." Rivaille said, eyes narrowing back to his papers.

I sighed in defeat and proceeded to brew a cup of black coffee without sugar or milk. Considering corporal's personality, I'm sure he's a plain and boring person who likes his coffee black.

Considering that it was truth that I had caused him trouble I didn't complain about the punishment. Heck who would be fine having a girl cry in your arms like she just broke up with her boyfriend.

I put the cup of coffee on his table and headed for the door, before I left I murmured a silent "thank you …" before rushing out of the door.

He eyed his black coffee and looked at his own reflection.

Suede had made black coffee without sugar or milk, exactly the way how he liked it.

He had surely heard her last words of gratitude and merely shook those thoughts away and continued on his oh-so-shitty-paperwork.

* * *

A week had passed after the events of me, breaking down like a little girl in front of Rivaille.

It was awkward at first, but then everything turned out to be better than I expected. Rivaille seems to trust me a little more as his lieutenant; he had even given me advice for the chief lieutenant exam tomorrow.

It was just another usual day with the special ops squad.

"Corporal! Would you like another cup of tea?" petra asked with honey-brown eyes that were stunningly beautiful.

Rivaille nodded and petra smiled in delight, her usual smile even wider than usual.

_Petra is quite fond of the corporal isn't she? _

I turn to stare at petra, the way her shoulder length auburn hair swayed as she walked with her sweet smile. There was no doubt, she was pretty yet so kind and caring. If she wasn't in the same team as me I would have thought she wasn't able to kill a titan.

But being handpicked by Rivaille proved that there was so much more behind that, sweet smile.

Seeing Rivaille talk in such a cold demeanor, merely replying shitty replies towards petra, I couldn't help but get curious.

How could petra's eyes still glitter in excitement when corporal is the last man on earth to be considered- a gentleman?

Well, he is a gentleman, is some ways. There is without a doubt, he is more _human _than he looks. In fact, he is more _human _than anyone I've ever met…it's just that he doesn't show any emotions that's all.

_How does he keep up with everything without showing any signs of weakness? Doesn't he want to scream when comrades die and there's no hope?_

No. he doesn't. In fact, he stands up and continues to fight.

**He isn't called humanity's strongest, all because of his extraordinary skill. **

But, would there be a day that he would just explode? Let his emotions run free? I wished that day would come, at least he wouldn't have to go through all the pain of restraining emotions.

_Just like what I felt._

He let loose of all the restrained emotions I kept, he is my lifeline. I wish I could, do the same for him, at least.

I turn to gaze at, auruo. The way his small eyes gaze and stare at petra, the way his nose cringes when petra smiles another dazzling smile towards rivaille, it was all too obvious.

The way he looks at her, it's definitely something more than just _friends or rivals. _

The cravat, the middle-parted haircut, the way he speaks, Auruo keeps imitating Rivaille because the girl he has his eyes on, has her eyes on **Rivaille.**

I turn to look away from the two, quickly glancing at the nearby wall.

I let out a sigh, tired at my own thoughts.

_The military is not a place for relationships. It's a graveyard, love is taboo, and love will only cause more burdens. _

I stood up from my seat, quickly exiting the door before taking a last glance at Rivaille.

The military is indeed not a place for relationships. Feelings were all too dangerous_; neither were these floating feelings that sparked whenever I see the raven haired man who lend me his back to cry on._

* * *

The day of the expedition finally came. The atmosphere was all too terrifying. All the soldiers were frightened, they feared.

_We all did._

The pillar of strength and emotional support was not present, each squad was worried. To not have your squad leader leading outside wall rose was a disastrous shock to the soldiers.

Thoughts of 'what if I died today?'

'I don't want to die!'

' I wish squad leader was here. He could save us from any situation.'

Those thought kept repeating in every soldiers' mind. We all feared.

I finally understand why it was so crucial to commit a live expedition outside the walls to choose a chief lieutenant. They need someone who's able to control the situation, to choose wisely, to act as the pillar of support and strength when the leaders are not present.

Such an important responsibility, I wonder who would be able to take on this burden?

"Lieutenant Rose, we're ready to leave." Gunter said.

I switched gazes and looked at him.

"Alright, let's move out." I said with serious coral blue eyes staring at the now opening door that leads to- _merciless deaths_.

We got on our separate horses, the expedition was short and was planned to be no more than a harmless test, but it wasn't, when you're outside the walls, it isn't about the journey lengths or destinations, nothing will change that there would be people dying today.

Commander Erwin and a few high ranked officers were taking the lead, leading us to our destination. Lieutenants of separate squads had taken the role of leader, leading their teams according to orders.

Some were excited to try their best in earning this high ranked title, but most of them were really just scared. Nobody wanted extra burden on the battlefield, it would only makes things worse for us.

I side glanced at Len, seeing his blonde hair swaying in the wind with his rare stern expression.

"L-lieutenant!" someone screamed behind the formation.

The man was in the hands of a titan, just inches away from getting eaten alive.

"Run now! Don't let me die in vain!" the man said as he was about to get chewed.

His subordinates guilty pleas and stares stopped when the man was fully decreased to nothing but flesh and fresh blood.

_Brave, he must have been truly loved by the people around him._

"Damn it." Auruo said clicking his tongue.

"Speed up, we need to get to our destination in time." I ordered with a stern expression.

Petra and Auruo merely nodded, they didn't oppose my decision.

More and more screams could be heard, some flanks didn't even have time to fire a flare for backup.

The test was turning out to be even more disastrous than I had expected.

Another team was approaching us, this time a well-skilled team that consisted of 5 members.

"lieutenant! Please do something!" one of the soldiers screamed.

The brunette man that was ranked lieutenant stared in fear as his comrade was about to be eaten by a 10 m titan.

"Lieutenant!" the soldier screamed again.

The brunette man continued to stare in fear, hands trembling.

"move on, now!" the man rashly ordered, fear overtaking his decisions.

"but lieutenant, Kent is about to get eaten!" the soldier yelled again.

"We move on, do not oppose my orders!" the man yelled towards his subordinate.

_But there also some, that aren't as brave as the others. They make rash decisions, and it'll only cause death to their comrades._

"Erd, fire a yellow flare. They can't handle a 10m titan." I said deciding if there was time to spare to save them getting dragged into their deaths.

Erd loaded another round into his gun, then shooting it at the sky as yellow smoke flashed.

"4 titans approaching, Lieutenant." Gunter said.

I looked to the back of the now in chaos team, yelling at each other with poor team coöperation; 4 titans mostly around 6-10m class were running in excitement towards them.

"your orders, lieutenant?" petra asked.

I readied my blades and tugged on the reigns of my horse tighter.

"We kill them. Remember to go for their eyes of you can't get a clean-cut, I want all of you to be on your highest caution!" I yelled riding forward to a 8m class titan.

They nodded in sync, all getting their blades ready.

Just as the earlier soldier had debated with its lieutenant, Kent if I remember correctly was in the hands of a titan, crying for help.

I fastened my pace, jumping up as the hooks of my gear attached to the flesh of the titan, then pulling the hooks to get closer and aim for the nape of its neck.

I made a swift cut, deep enough to let the titan fall on the ground as blood dripped onto my face, evaporating.

The soldier managed to barely survive and I searched for my team.

Erd and gunter were doing well, managing to kill one of the 11m titan.

When I turned my head, I saw petra and Auruo bickering while desperately trying to kill the 8m titan.

"Stop getting in my way, petra!" Auruo yelled as he moved around the titan making it spin in circles.

"You stop getting in my way! I'm trying to get a clean cut but you keep aiming at its eyes!" petra yelled, defending herself.

The lack of tall buildings and trees were not helping with the limited use of gear, I managed to grapple my hooks onto the hand of the titan, making use of the agility to reel myself forward with speed.

With a swift cut to the titan's eyes while managing a backward spin in the air I landed on the titan's head while turning to petra and Auruo.

"Stop bickering like kids! What did I say about teamwork?!" I yelled furiously.

"It's all Petra's fault. She got in my way." Auruo said.

The titan's eyes were regenerating, at tops it could buy us the most 30 seconds.

"Petra learn to aim for the eyes or the hands if you're d ealing with a blind spot. Auruo, you have to coöperate with petra, you're a team remember? You two have to learn to put aside your differences when fighting!" I yelled while doing a back flip to cut my blades into the nape of the titan's neck.

Auruo bit on his tongue, leading to blood overflowing from the tips of his mouth.

"You deserved it." Petra said while swinging her gear to the next titan.

Petra aimed for the left shoulder blades of the titan, while Auruo aimed for the right; they looked at each other and nodded, then cutting off the hands of the titan with enough strength.

Auruo aimed for the titan's neck and swiftly sliced through the flesh of the titan.

I sighed in relief, seeing that they were finally able to coöperate on the battlefield.

I looked to the other side, seeing the previous team in chaos. Their lieutenant was fighting with a soldier, yelling dirty words at each other.

_No matter how skilled the soldier is, if he can't trust his back to his comrade, he'll never make it out alive._

"Hey you two, stop yelling at each other! Get you puny asses up and continue on with the expedition." I said glaring intensely at the two.

"who are you to order me around? Just mind your business-" the lieutenant said halfway.

"if you can't take control of your team you might as well start acting like a real lieutenant to stop dragging your comrades to a death wish." I said, eyes still glaring at him.

"and you're acting like a real lieutenant?! I saw you not bothering to save the other team earlier! If you can't save everyone from their deaths than stop acting like you did!" he yelled back.

I sighed desperately, was lecturing him even worth it?

"This is a cruel world, you can't save everyone. We have to decide when to help and when to prioritize the orders. If you don't even know this simple rule then stop being scared and learn how to control the situation. You're a lieutenant for heaven's sake, you should have known the first day of your duty that it's your responsibility to earn the_ trust_ of your comrades." I said eyes narrowing at him.

He glared at me, finding no words to spit back.

"There's still time to make up for your mistakes, you can still gain their trust. Don't let your leader down." I whispered to him, just strong enough for him to hear.

I gestured to my team to call their horses and get back into formation.

We continued on, riding rapidly to avoid fighting titans as much as we could.

We were almost to our destination, when we saw a herd of titans surrounding a small team of soldiers.

The tall trees made it hard to pinpoint how many titans there were, but I guess there were around a herd of 15.

I'm sure he would have made the same decision.

Gunter fired a yellow flare after my gesture; we were going to need backup. Hopefully, the squad leaders were close by to see our flare.

"start out by attracting the titans further away from each other. Erd and Gunter attract them to the north, petra and Auruo attract them to the south, I'll deal with the rest. If you find it too risky, wait for backup." I said already grappling to the trees, swinging to the herd of titans.

"Help me!" a soldier yelled as he was only inches away from the herd of titans.

I quickly grappled my hooks onto the nape of the neck of the nearest titan, taking it down with one clean strike.

A mini team of 4 were struggling to survive with the upcoming titans that were surrounding us.

"Who's your lieutenant?" I asked landing on a tree branch just a few spaces beside them.

"h-he died! Please help us! I don't want to die!" the soldier with brunette hair begged with tears falling.

I narrowed my eyes at him, turning my gaze to the other three that trembled with fear.

"When you enlisted into the scouting legion, you should have known you would have to deal with fears of being eaten. I assume this is not your first expedition, but if you're not brave enough to learn how to _fight_, how to _live, _you're not even worth titan bait. If you don't learn how to fight, you'll never live." I said with cold coral blue eyes staring at them.

They shivered in fear, biting their lower lip.

I aimed my hooks onto the tree a few meters away, without turning back to look at them I said "if you're strong enough to _fight, _you _live. _It's your choice. My comrades are risking their lives; I hope you know that your lives are not the only ones at stake."

Without a second glance, I ruthlessly charge into the herd of titans, their big, glassy eyes looking at me with excitement.

I caught the attention of 5 titans, mostly around 8 to 12m class titans.

As the titan slammed its hand above me, I made a quick back leap with my gear, eyeing the north and south sides of the area.

Petra and Auruo managed to attract three titans and were heading to the south as planned; while Erd and gunter attracted 4 titans to the north.

Feeling that the plan was progressing as planned, I fastened my pace and used my gear to lure them to the inner parts of the forest.

5 titans, it's risky but I'll survive if I manage to distract them.

The two titans were approaching fast, excited to rip me apart and bite open my flesh. my heart thumped again, adrenaline rushing through my veins as I swung from branch to branch.

_I'll fight till the end; I'll prove that this world has a __**future. **_

Turning my head back, I jumped onto the titan's head than rushing to slice its eyes as blood splattered onto my face. The titan cried in pain and the blood was slowly evaporating.

The next titan jumped and tried to catch me in its disgusting hands as it crashed onto the ground. With a swift back turn I managed to slash the shoulder blades of the titan making one of its hands fall off.

_I'm not going to die here, I'll live._

With raged eyes I slash the titan's neck, making it collapse onto the ground.

As I avoided being smashed to bits by an incoming large hand that tried to slap me to the trees, a lean shadow casted over me.

I looked up in surprise to see glassy eyes and a wide mouth smiling at its prey.

A 13m titan, when did it approach me?!

I froze staring with fear into the big, glassy eyes of the titan.

"Look out!" someone yelled as he landed a swift cut towards the titan's neck.

I looked up to see the soldier from before, who begged me to save him from the titans.

"you…" I said in a small voice staring at him with a puzzled look.

"I thought about it. I want to live, that's way I'm going to fight. I was blinded by fear, but now i have a clear motive thanks to you…errr…" he said not knowing how to finish his sentence.

"Rose, just call me Rose, and you are..?" I asked.

"Ewan." He said with dark brunette hair that glistened in the sunlight.

All of a sudden the 13m titan swiped a hand across him, trying to catch him. Without thinking I rushed to cover him, getting caught in the titan's arm.

"Rose!" Ewan yelled staring in fear.

He didn't cut deep enough, the cut had already regenerated. I stared face to face with the titan, fear rushing into my senses as I struggled to escape.

_I'm going to die here, I'm not going to live._

I struggled for my blades to cut through its hands, but I was caught too tight in its grip.

The titan opened its mouth, my world turning black and confused.

Just as I was about to scream, a flash of green and red appeared at the speed of lightning.

The titan's arm was cut through and I fell together along with the hand. With the rushing gravity I struggled to aim my hooks at a nearby tree and pulled myself before suffering from a fatal blow.

When I looked up, I saw someone fighting the titans with such graceful movements. He spun 360 degrees with enough strength to cut deep into the flesh of the titans. He was fast and his movements were all so strong. Without a doubt he was…

"corporal.." I whispered staring at his back as he finished off the titan with a record of 12 seconds.

He looked at me with his pale grey eyes, making me shiver as if I'd done something wrong to make him look at me like that.

"Suede, get your shitty ass over here." Rivaille ordered with a strict voice.

I immediately rushed over to him, obediently.

"where are the others? Why are you alone?" he asked questioning me.

"I ordered them to split up to disperse the titans from gathering in one spot. I believe in their abilities to finish off a number of titans with coöperation." I said with a slightly loud voice.

He looked at me for a second longer and sighed.

"And you deem it right for you to fight five titans alone?" he asked.

"I deemed it the most reasonable action at that time. After all, there were soldiers surrounded by the herd of titans." I said, slightly wavering.

I noticed he was about to reply something but he's head turned to look at something.

I slightly moved my head to realize there were more upcoming titans.

"your orders, corporal?" I asked slightly relieved that I didn't have to think twice about my orders now that corporal was present.

"hey, you, gather with your other teammates, I don't want titan bait roaming around." Rivaille yelled as he looked at Ewan.

Ewan nodded at rivaille's orders and used his gear to find his teammates.

"suede, I believe in your abilities are up to my level. Don't let me down." He ordered as he gripped his blades tighter.

"yes sir!" I said waiting for his command.

Rivaille rushed with great speed towards the titan and slashed the titan's eyes just as I was about to slash the other eye. He aimed for the nape of the neck as I cut off the hands of the titan.

Our attacks were in sync, we didn't need to communicate to know what to do. All I needed was to look at he's hands and I could roughly guess what his next moves were. As I sliced the neck of the oncoming titans, he did a turn and sliced through their flesh and limbs. Blood splattered onto our faces but we couldn't care less but to fight the titans before us.

"I found them!" gunter yelled to the others as he stared at Rivaille and Rosaria.

"I hope their oka- woah." Auruo said staring agape at the image before him.

"is that corporal Rivaille and lieutenant suede?" asked petra staring at the fight that occurred.

Rivaille was cutting limbs and flesh of titans with ease, spinning ever so gracefully while I did flips and turns to dodge attacks and sliced the necks of the titans. We were so overwhelmed by the battle, not hesitating one bit.

"It's like as if…..she's a red blood rose sacrificing her beautiful petals but at the same time hurting others because of her thorns." Erd said staring at Rosaria as she made a back flip and sliced the titan's shoulders.

"You're creepy Erd….." petra said.

We fight to live, we fight for our future, and we fight for hope. Sometimes we can't help but to hurt the people we love to attain something, sometimes we have to hurt ourselves in order to gain something even more valuable. _Just like a rose, she hurts the people she loves with her thorns, sacrifices her humanity just like how a rose is nothing without its bright red petals, and how she continues to fight even though all that's left is her stem. _

She is a _beautiful _rose, which has sacrificed her humanity for humanity itself.

* * *

**PLEASE FUCKING READ THE A/N! **

Ok this was one long boring chapter. There wasn't even much levi action to it. I'm sorry, this chapter is crucial to build up rosaria's personality, she's strong and she's just human, but sometimes she has to act like a real lieutenant and has to bear the burden of leaving comrades to die on the battlefield. She isn't female protagonists readers usually see, she's the type that observes and understands the pain and cruelties of humanity.

She's willing to sacrifice her life and everything else for the sake of humanity just like Rivaille. She understands what it means to be scared, but to survive in this cruel world you have to be stronger (therefore all the blunt advice she's giving to the soldiers that are scared. She's trying to motivate them to fight.)

As I said before, I don't go with the usual fluffy and all-too-straight-forward-i-don't-give-shit-to-the- cruelties-of-this-world type of romance fics, so the things I write are pretty serious and will get to the more romantic side (I promise) in the later chapters.

You probably have not figured out petra also plays an important character. The anime has given her so much credit and really I totally ship petra and levi (although I'm writing an oc fic). And I thought episode 21 killed me, episode 22 practically murdered me. I wanted to cry so badly when petra's father mentioned marriage to levi and his face was like-kill me now.

I'm sorry for the lack in romantic dialogues but I promise they will come- so in the mean time please follow or give me a review! –REVIEWWWWWWWW GUYSSSSSSSSSSS-

We have someone who guessed correctly about Rosaria and edward's relationship. Yes, just like ciel phantomhive and Elizabeth middleford, they're engaged. (for now that is.)- congratz to RedIttokiTwins.

To the amazing reviewers:

RedIttokiTwins: congratz, you deserve a virtual cookie. *gives cookie*

lailaygirl: thanks so much! It means so much to me. People say that levi is heartless and has thrown away his humanity, but he's actually more human than anyone. He hasn't completely threw away his humanity for the sake of humanity, he still hurts and pains when comrades die (especially petra), but he just doesn't show them as he is role model to the whole scouting legion.

vivvy09: glad to know you liked the chapter. Would you like me to recommend SNK fics or just any random anime fanfics?

Guest: I'm sure 99% of the fans wanted to jump off a cliff after seeing that episode. But I'm pretty sure 200% of the fans want to murder themselves after seeing episode 22.

REVIEW GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!


	5. future

**A/N: THIS WILL BE THE LAST UPDATE FOR THE NEXT THREE WEEKS BECAUSE I HAVE FINALS. PLEASE BE PATIENT SO I CAN FINISH MY FINALS AND CONCENTRATE ON THIS STORY! IN THE MEAN TIME, LEAVE A REVIEW!**

Rosaria's p.o.v.

I was just about done finishing my 9th titan kill when I saw petra and Erd standing around 20 meters from where I was.

I was about to wave my hand in the air but then I realized their faces were replaced with horrified ones and were screaming and making motions at me.

When I had turned my head, my eyes widened and my heartbeat stopped for a slight second.

A herd of around 20 titans were running towards me.

How do they keep popping up? We're so close to our destination already…

I threw away my blades that were covered with blood and replaced them with new ones.

"How the hell am I going to defeat all these bastards…" I whispered to myself.

"Suede! We'll split for now, disperse the titans in different directions." Rivaille said while dashing off of the tree branch.

I aimed my hooks at the other side of the direction where Rivaille was heading. I made sure to stand low enough so the titans would chase me with even more excitement.

I can't let the titans get any further than this, I have to lead them deeper into the forest so our supplies could be successfully delivered to wall Maria.

I watched as Rivaille expertly led the titans into the deeper side of the forest.

Now's my chance….i quickly jumped from tree to tree, catching the attention of the titans as they ran with their skinny legs and big bellies to chase me.

Seven, eight, nine….there were roughly ten titans chasing me. Finishing them off would be difficult, not to mention the bare amount of gas I have left…

A titan extended a hand as it tried to snatch me, I took this as a chance and rapidly sliced my blades across its neck and watched as it fell to the ground.

More titans were chasing up and I struggled to not let them catch up. I fired my hooks repeatedly, using the advance gravity and agility to rush my body at leading them further away from the main route.

When I was deep enough into the forest, I fired a yellow flare, hoping there would be backup and silently hoped Corporal Rivaille would be nearby.

I accidently slipped on a tree branch while jumping and caused me to fall onto the ground and break several tree branches during the process.

"Damn…" I whispered to myself as I picked myself up.

A titan was already rushing towards me excited to finally get the chance to eat me.

I quickly ignored the throbbing pain on my right foot and fired my grappling hooks onto the tree branch and lifted myself off the ground just in time from getting eaten by the titan.

The titans were catching up and I was running out of gas, it was now or never to finish them off.

Jumping off the tree branch I did a back flip and sliced the nape of the titan's neck without mercy.

I continued on and on, dodging and avoiding their giant hands from grabbing me, slicking my blades across their necks and arms.

Before I knew I was jumping all over the place, panting heavily and covered in blood.

I was near my limit, exhausted from all the muscle movements and the earlier fall might have broke my right foot.

I scanned the area, noting that there were three titans left.

I breather a heavy sigh and dashed towards a 8m titan, slicing its left eye than jumping onto its shoulder blades and slicing the nape of its neck. Just as I was about to jump to the other titan, my gas tank emptied its contents and led me to fall ungracefully to the ground.

"Fuck. Just my luck." I whispered as I knocked hard on the gas tank.

The two titans looked at me with glassy eyes and wide grins, oh now was the time to finally eat me.

I sweated and readied my blades, escaping on land was futile.

Just as the titan rushed towards me trying to clasp me in its hand, I recognized Rivaille spinning a 360 degree turn while slicing the nape of the titan's neck.

He narrowed his pale grey eyes and looked at me briefly before finishing off the last titan.

He wiped the blood that stained his hands with a white handkerchief muttering "filfthy."

"You look like you just got shitted by titans, suede." Rivaille said putting his handkerchief away.

"I'm lucky that I managed to survive killing 10 titans on my own, sir. Please don't criticize the way I look now." I said releasing a heavy sigh.

"to be exact it was eight kills suede, I finished the two." Rivaille replied walking over.

Was he really that picky about numbers?

"I'm assuming you ran out of gas?" he asked.

I nodded.

He placed his dual blades back into the rectangular containers on the sides of his thighs, than shooting his hooks on a high branch of a tree.

He looked at me with a questioning gaze and I couldn't help but gaze back at him, then to the metal wires hanging on the branch, then back to him again.

"what are you waiting for suede? A shitty unicorn to fly you up?" Rivaille asked annoyed.

"excuse me, what?" I asked with a puzzled look.

Rivaille snapped and grabbed my waist forcefully.

"w-what are you doing, corporal?" I asked surprised by the sudden touch.

"taking you to higher grounds of course! Or would you prefer staying down here getting eaten by titans?" he asked raising his voice.

"N-no sir…" I replied embarrassed.

He pulled the trigger to his gear and lifted both of us to the higher branch of the tree.

Once we were high enough he let go of his hold on me than proceeded to check on his gas tank.

"I still have barely enough gas to make it back to the meeting point." Rivaille said.

"just our luck, our only option is either risking a titan attack and travel by horse or wait for reinforcements." I said leaning my back against the tree.

"We can't risk travelling by horse. If we meet a titan you wouldn't be able to fight without enough gas. Looks like our only option is to wait for backup." Rivaille said firing a flare to the sky.

I did not like the sound of that option one bit. How could I wait here in the wilderness of the titans?

The chances of having backup teams to come to our aid were low. It was a gamble, if we were lucky someone would have sent a backup team, if we were unluckly, we'd never make it out this forest alive.

I sat on the branch of the tree, back leaning against the tree and knees brought up to my chest.

The now numbing pain on my right foot gradually increased and I loosened the grip of my right boot.

It revealed a bloodied foot, toenails broken and flesh bruised to a purple-blue color.

I reached my back pocket for a bundle of bandages I kept with me.

"When did you get that?" Rivaille asked, eyeing my right foot with slight disgust.

"Must have been when I tripped and bruised myself when I fell." I replied stretching the bandage.

Rivaille seated next to me and snatched the bandage from my hands.

"you better not cry when I tend to your wound." Rivaille said grabbing a little bottle of medicine from his pocket.

"it's fine. I can do it myself, I wouldn't want to dirty your hands, corporal." I said eyeing him with a small smile.

"Stubborn as usual, suede. You will not defy your superior's orders, understood?" he ordered.

"b-but-" I said but got interrupted when he grabbed my right foot and examined it for while.

"I'm going to start applying medicine." Rivaille says as he uncaps the little bottle.

He applies the medicine on his hands than rubs them on my bare foot, letting the stinging medicine steep into my flesh.

I bit my lower lip as the pain burned.

I couldn't help but notice how calm and sweet Rivaille seemed when he tends to my wound. It was such a different sight from what the usually stiff and strict corporal was.

The stinging slowly decreased and Rivaille finished up with bandaging my wound.

He helped me put on my boot, considering my right foot stung in pain whenever I tried to lift it.

Rivaille continued sitting beside me, staring into the forest and noticing how the 5m titans stared into our current place.

"Its eyes keep staring at us even though we're 30 meters above ground." I whispered.

"Guess it has good killing instincts." Rivaille replied.

The silence continued as hours passed and hope was slowly fading away.

"how long has it been?" I asked, tired of keeping my guard up looking out for titans.

"two hours or so." Rivaille replied.

Rivaille suddenly looks at me with a strained look, eyes staring into mine.

I gave him a puzzled look, eyes unwavering.

"Suede, about what happened a few days ago…" Rivaille started off.

A few days ago? Is he talking about the part where I cried like a little girl in his arms?

I felt blood rushing to my ears and I quickly gulped.

"what about that?" I asked.

He looked at me a second longer before answering "you're obviously very caring and emotional about your comrades. But it seems like you're more motivated on fighting the titans and securing a future for humanity. which is rare, considering most people would have scared the shit out of their pants and went into the military police or the garrisons." He trailed off.

Was he seriously that curious about my personality?

"And?" I asked.

"why did you even join the scouting legion, anyway?" he asked.

I looked around my surroundings and thought about many things. I asked myself if I should lie, go with the truth or just shake off the subject.

"because I wanted to be free, I don't want to live behind walls like a caged bird. The scouting legion is exactly the solution to saving humanity." I said eyes glued to a nearby bird flying endlessly.

Rivaille looked at me with a questioning look.

He deserves to know, what my past is like. At least a part of it, that is.

"if I tell you about it….you would have to tell me something in exchange." I said playfully.

He looked at me with a questioning gaze.

"alright. I'll answer anything you ask, but first, why did you join the scouting legion?" he asked, intimidating eyes looking at me.

I fidgeted with my fingers and glued my eyes to a nearby branch.

Gosh, how should I even start?

"I guess it all started when I was 8…"

(A/N: Rosaria is telling the events of the flashback.)

_Flashback:_

_I was 8, a little girl than was naïve and too stubborn that dreamt of wide, endless seas and never-ending lands covered with tiny grains of dirt called sand. The picture books that were secretly hidden in the bookroom were always full of mysteries and fairy tales of the __**outer **__world._

_It happened when I asked my father, who was just back from an expedition wearing a green cape with the symbols of wings on its back._

"_what does that symbolize, father?" I asked him curious._

_He looks at the cape in his hands and pats my head._

"_it means it's the wings of freedom, Ria. Humanity's wings of freedom." He replied._

_(A/N: Ria is short for Rosaria, it was the nickname used by her close family members.)_

"_what does freedom mean?" I asked again, not satisfied._

"_it means venturing outside the walls and seeking for an endless field without limits. It means to explore the wonders of the world." he replied._

_My eyes twinkled in delight as I stared at the symbol of the scouting legion, the wings of freedom._

_When I had turned 16, i became an elegant young lady. Being taught to never talk while laughing, always keeping your head high when walking, and to never, ever oppose the words of your elders._

"_Ria, where are your manners? You must look presentable as Edward's family is coming to visit!" an elder woman who was in her late thirties yelled._

"_I don't fucking care, mother. I heard father is coming back today! I want to go to town and greet him!" I yelled my butt still sitting on the end of the table._

_Elegant young lady indeed, in the eyes of a no-brainer that is._

"_Where are your fucking manners, young lady? How could you say those vulgar words?" mother yelled again._

"_you just said it mother. C'mon it's no big deal." I replied casually._

_My mother grabbed me by the collar and pulled me towards a servant._

"_force her to change into some decent clothes. How the hell is she even my daughter?" mother said while sighing._

_Being sixteen was every girl's dream. Every girl wanted to marry off to a handsome guy, wear pretty dresses and drink tea. Oh but I was just so wrong, all that ever crossed my mind was the words that my father had said before, freedom to venture outside the walls._

_i hated acting like a proper lady, not when my goals were set upon the green cape my father held proudly._

_I heard the bells on the door ring, and I noticed my father walking through the door, his cape now tugged loosely in his hands._

_Being the stubborn little girl I was, I dreamt of freedom. I'd imagine myself roaming the endless lands and seas outside the walls, and it would only motivate me further from joining-the scouting legion._

_I walked up to my father as I failed to notice the gloomy look on his face._

"_father. There's something I would like to tell you." I said._

_Without looking at me, he nodded._

_I gulped in nervousness, slight fear overtaking my senses._

"_I've decided to join the scouting legion." I said with the most determined voice I could build up._

_The cape in my father's hand dropped, leaving a __**torn **__symbol of wings cascading on the floor._

"_what did you say, Ria?" he asked._

"_I want to join the scouting legion." I replied._

_My father gripped my shoulders, his face mere inches from mine. His eyes looked tired and dead, __**hopeless.**_

"_are you out of your mind? There Is no fucking way I'd let you join the scouting legion!" he shouted._

_This startled me as I heard my mother's footsteps from the hallway._

"_why?! You're in the scouting legion! What's wrong with following your footsteps?" I shouted getting defensive._

"_The scouting legion is not a game! You've never felt the fear of fighting a titan! You've never seen a titan eating your beloved comrades right before your eyes! You've never felt what it's like to fear that you'd be the next one to get eaten!" he screamed back, gripping tighter._

_This scared me. It was the first time my father had ever shouted me with this much force. The tone in his voice was devastated._

_The look in his eyes, were struggling to not cry._

_Yet I was too naïve back then, to even understand the world was not a place for a little girl's dream._

"_so what about that?! i want to fight for humanity too! I want to stand up and fight! Mother has always taught me that there are times when I must stand up and fight for my own rights! I'll fight for my rights as a human!" I screamed back._

"_Fight for what? Peace?! Rights?! Future?! You're fucking wrong! The future was long gone ever since titans existed! __**There is no future! Our futures are being locked behind walls and live in fear every single day of our lives!**__" he yelled._

_I held back the tears. I wanted to scream. What was wrong with fighting for a future? I will never admit that this world is hopeless, I will never admit that there is no future._

"_your father is fighting because he wants to protect the important things in his life, Ria. That includes you." Mother said staring at her husband and child._

_Being the stubborn little girl, I would never go back on the decisions I made._

"_I'm old enough to make my own decisions. I'll join the scouting legion and prove to all of you that there __**is **__a future! I'll prove it to you all!" I screamed._

_I regretted that decision. I regretted ever talking about joining the scouting legion. I regretted ever raising my voice at my father. But it was all __**too late**__ to take them back._

_Days later he left for an expedition outside the walls. After two weeks the scouting legion came back, and when I had expected it would be the pillar of strength in my household- my father to come back, he didn't._

"_what did you say?" mother asked in her hallow voice, trembling._

_The man whose green cape was drenched in dried blood carried baggage of white cloth that was covered in blood._

_The moment he came in, I had felt something was not right. _

"_your husband died heroically during our expedition. He died a hero, and he has sacrificed his life for humanity. he is a hero. This was all we could gather of him." The man said while unwrapping the white cloth._

_It revealed to be a leftover hand, drenched in blood. The moment my eyes laid on that remnant, I recognized every single detail of it. There was no doubt, this was the hand that once held me close and carried me in piggyback rides._

_My mother trembled and cried, falling onto the floor as she embraced the only remaining of her husband. _

_The man walked over to me and whispered in my ear "your father lost his best friend before the expedition. He yelled and screamed at you but he sincerely regrets it. He sacrificed his life for humanity, because he wanted to protect you and your mother. He didn't want to disappoint you, because you believed that this world has a future. He was a good father."_

_I was stunned. how could I have been so blind? I should have known that this world was cruel. I never should have believed in these false dreams that led me to lose such an important person. I stared at my mother's crying figure, and clenched my hands into fists._

_**I swore vengeance on the titans that murdered my father that day. **__I no longer opposed my elder's words and never talked about the scouting legion again._

_It was naturally my job to protect my mother now that my father was gone. A baggage had naturally formed on me now that I was no longer being protected, but was forced to protect._

_By the time I reached 17, my mother had died from all the pain and grief the lost of my father left. It was a painful occurrence for me, at the same time I had felt relieved. I had felt relieved that there was no longer that baggage that tightened around my heart. I had truly felt pain and lost, but I was glad that my mother had left this world so that her sufferings would stop. Never once had she smiled ever since the death of my father._

_I was adopted by my parent's close friends, their son happened to be a close childhood friend that was two years older than me._

_I lived with them for a year in the inner walls of wall sina. When I had finally turned 18, I had followed my dreams of joining the military. My adopted parents had disagreed, telling me why I was being so stubborn when it was the same thing that brought my family to a broken piece of nothing, leaving me shattered. _

_I had simply replied "the last words my father had said to me were 'this world has no future. Our futures are living in fear every single day in fear of the titans.' Maybe I'm just being a stubborn little girl who will never grow up, but I'll prove to them that this world has a future. It may be a difficult journey, but I refuse to admit defeat and let my children live in a world that has no future. __**I'll create a future, no matter how low the possibilities are!**__"_

_(end of flashback. That was a long one. Sincere apologies.)_

I stared at the trunk of the tree, hands now red from the nervousness and fidgeting.

Rivaille looked at me with an unexplainable look, maybe he was mocking me, maybe he was impressed, I couldn't really tell.

I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks, hell how I could have shared such an important piece of my past to him. The only one I ever told was Elizabeth.

"I don't want your pity. I've accepted it long ago that this world was cruel. But I'll fight till the end, I'll never go back on my words. I'll prove to my parents in heaven that this world has a future. I'll make them proud, and complete what they couldn't have done." I said eyes staring into the sky.

Rivaille's eyes widen slightly. He looks at me with a long gaze.

"Our pasts is what makes us stronger, I'm sure your parents are proud of you, even now." Rivaille said.

I couldn't help but stare into rivaille's pale grey eyes. The determination and warmth of his words making me tingle and shiver.

I couldn't help but smile at him, letting a tiny teardrop of water escape my eye.

"I'm sure they are." I whispered to myself as I wiped away the teardrop.

I clasped my hands together, letting a small smile form on my lips.

"so, it's time for me to ask the questions, corporal! What was your past like?" I asked.

He's eyes looked to the other side, eyebrows furrowed slightly and mouth agape.

It wasn't much but I was sure, there was a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"I was never planning on answering your shitty questions, suede." Rivaille said as he crossed his arms.

_Ah, he must have had a painful past. he was humanity's strongest after all, his past couldn't have been a happy one._

"that wasn't a very nice thing to say to a lady who just shared her painful past to you, you know." I replied.

"well, your past wasn't even painful. It was just full of shit." He replied eyes narrowing.

_Your past must have been a lot more painful, huh?_

"Corporal, lieutenant! Thank god you two are safe!" erd yelled while riding on his horse.

"damn it, you two should stop stealing the spotlight!" Auruo yelled.

I watched as Rivaille smirked as he watched his team arrive with extra tanks of gases.

Gunter gave us the tanks of gas and replaced the old ones on our gear.

"I was worried sick, corporal! I thought you might have died!" petra said wiping the little bits of tears falling on her cheeks.

Rivaille handed her his white handkerchief and muttered something around "Don't cry. It's filthy."

Maybe it was rivaille's way of making petra stop crying, maybe he was just glad that his team had already trusted him whole heartedly.

"damn it petra. There's no way the corporal would die! He's humanity's strongest!" Auruo yelled.

"Shut up Auruo." Petra said between sobs.

"can you two stop fighting? I just want to go back to wall Rose." Gunter said sighing.

Rivaille rode on his horse and took the lead, everyone else stayed closely behind.

I rode my horse beside him, flashing him a small smile as I muttered "I've told you my story, and you'll have to tell me mine. Maybe you're not ready yet but I'll wait for the day you're ready to tell me."

He flashed me a weird look, furrowing his eyebrows and gazed at me as if I'd grown two heads.

"suede, say anymore weird things and you're punished to clean my room for the rest of the month." He ordered.

This was one tough corporal to deal with. But that's the way I like it, he's more _human _than anyone could be.

"yes sir!" I said.

Without me noticing, everyone had already trusted the corporal from the beginning. He wasn't humanity's strongest, to me, he was a normal human that had thrown away his selfishness for humanity, and that was enough proof that I could risk my life for him.

* * *

What the hell this was such a crappy chapter. I'm very unsatisfied how this chapter turned out. This is an important chapter since it tells rosaria's past. I'm sure this type of past has been vaguely written in other SNK fanfics, I don't know but this chapter tells SUCKS to me. This chapter was quite hard for me to write, I'm surprised I managed to finish it in two days.

I hope the chapter wasn't too crappy for the readers, I'm sure the past is an important thing for every character. **i'll be sure to add in more romance moments about levi and rosaria starting next chapter, so be patient!**

So I'll be having my finals in two weeks, so I won't be updating for at least I don't know…4 weeks? Maybe I'd be able to squeeze a chapter before finals start but no promises!

I'm glad that our _wattpad views are only 12 away from reaching 1k_! isn't that great? Good! Now write a review and tell me what you think about today's chapter!

to the reviewers:

ev661: oh my gosh. i'm flattered! i was really worried that i made rivaille OOC but i'm glad that you liked it! i'm glad that you feel rose is real, i thought she was a little too near perfect in this story.

lailaygirl: thanks so much! this chapter only had minimal levi dialogues and i apologize for that!

Lola: advice taken. i like being descriptive but maybe i went a little overboard. hope you liked today's chapter!

follow me on tumblr guys! my username is liulishu! i'll be posting some bonus chapters and scenes there! for the mean time, leave a review!


	6. Test: I

Chapter 6

Rosaria's P.O.V.

"I need a medic stat!" I yelled as I tried stopping the blood overflowing from the man's chest.

A woman with blonde hair walked over and immediately started surgery on the man.

"Rose, help me out with the anesthesia. He needs a surgery right away." Yelled a woman with chestnut-brown hair.

I pick up the box of sedatives and handed it over to the woman.

A low groan could be heard from the bed next to the surgery room.

I walked over and asked "what's your name?"

"I-Ivan…my head hurts…" he muttered.

I put on the white rubber gloves and take a look at the file next to him.

_Feel from the hands of an 8m titan. Severe head damage and blood loss._

"Good…are you experiencing any sorts of unusual pain?" I asked adjusting my stool.

"Other than the migraine I don't think I think I need a sedative." He replied.

"Tell me more about yourself, which squad are you from?" I asked.

He hesitated for a bit but eventually answered "I'm not sure…."

My eyes widen in surprise and I stood up from my stool..

"Ivan, do you remembered what happened before you got here?" I asked.

"i-I don't…." he answered.

I turn around to get the head medic and said "partial memory loss. The hit on his head must have hit the spinal cord."

"I got it, we'll take care of him. There's a visitor for you, he says he only wants you to treat him." The medic replied.

I walked over to the blonde man with spiky hair who was flirting with the trainee medics.

"Please learn how to restrain your hormones, lieutenant." I said while eyeing him dangerously.

"Oh, but you're the only one I'm interested in honey cakes." He replied while giving a wink.

I sighed deeply.

"This is why you got lectured by Mike the other day." I replied.

"Oh, don't be such a grumpy pussy, leather couch." He said with a wide grin.

"Ugh my family name is not leather couch, Len." I said hands on my waist.

"Alright, pancakes. Do me a favor and help me patch this up, would you?" he asked while showing his right palm to me.

A cut formed on his right palm, dried blood at the edges.

"Let me guess, butter knife incident again?" I asked while fetching the needles and medication.

"Oh, you've gotten good at guessing, Rose!" he replied with a grin.

"Why can't you ever learn how to use a butter knife properly?" I asked while examining his right palm.

"Because I prefer spoons? They're wider and have curves." He replied.

"That doesn't make sense, Len." I replied while stitching his palm.

"I think it's time for me to scream like a girl who lost her limited edition unicorn." Len teased.

I poked the flesh even deeper.

"Hey, that hurts!" Len screamed.

I smirked and continued on stitching his right palm until it was all done.

Len shuffled my hair like an older brother and teased "I'll be off to sleep, pumpkin cakes. I always leave an empty space to welcome you on my comfy bed!"

"You can leave it for the women with big tits." I said.

He waved goodbye and I continued on with my work of mixing medication and chemicals in the clinic.

Ever since we got back from the expedition, all I could see was wounded soldiers and a large amount of casualties.

We had lost more soldiers than I had expected. The lack of experience and determination from the lieutenants lead to a disaster. All these casualties just for the sake of a chief lieutenant? Was it really worth it?

"it's getting late, Lieutenant. Thanks for your help but we can keep it under control for now." The head medic said with a small smile.

I decided to take my leave and headed towards the direction of the girls dorm. Passing by the little garden just outside the dorm, I saw a raven haired man sitting on the bench with a cup of tea in his head.

He's pale grey eyes stare at the bright lit full moon as the moonlight reflects his muscular features. I couldn't help but notice the eye bags under his eyes, and the little scars showing on his collar-bone.

"What's a highly ranked officer doing staring at the moon this late at night?" I asked while taking a sit beside him.

"Looking at the shitty moon, suede."Rivaille replied without looking at me.

"You know I've been in these sorts of situations countless times, but I have never seen a man drink tea instead of wine this late at night." I said eyes staring at him.

"Well I'm different most men, suede." He said taking a sip of tea again.

"You're right. You're rude, violent, demanding, strict, and you have a stick the size of a telegraph pole up your ass." I answered with a small smirk.

"suede, you should know very well I can stick that shitty telegraph pole up your ass any moment I wish." Rivaille said threatening eyes glaring back at me.

"but you're also a selfless, caring, strong, and kind person. I think that's the big difference between you and most men." I said eyes staring at the full moon.

He slowly gazes at me and asks "is that what you really think of me?"

I gaze at him, our eyes locking for the slightest moment.

"of course I do." I said.

His pale grey eyes stare into mine, I suddenly found myself mesmerized by the deep color of his orbs.

He leaned in closer to me, eyes still locked on to my coral blue eyes.

Breathless I presumed, if there was one way to describe the current situation, it would be breathless. One look into his deep eyes and I can't focus for the slightest nano second.

His right leg suddenly rises and without a second to hesitate, he kicks me off the bench.

I land on the cold ground with a large thump, forehead against the ground and butt shoved upwards like a naked squirrel.

"I'm not what you think I am, suede." Rivaille says while picking up his cup of tea.

"I can see why. Most men wouldn't kick a woman off a bench for no reason." I replied not bothering to adjust my position.

"how's your foot doing?" he asked.

" other than the ugly toenails, I still can walk like a normal person if you're worried about me slacking my duties." I replied picking myself up from the ground.

"well that's good to hear, make sure you arrive at 7 am sharp for tomorrow's meeting." He says.

"yes sir. I'll be going to sleep now, goodnight sir." I replied heading towards the direction the female dorm.

"Make sure to clean your ugly toenails first, suede." Rivaille yelled.

Do I really have to clean them tonight? It's such a hassle to be working with a clean freak.

* * *

The smell of freshly brewed coffee enters the room, the sound of white porcelain cups clanking against each other as Rosaria struggled to carry three sets of cups to the table.

Erwin just like the gentleman he is, walks up to her and helps the petite girl carry the porcelain cups to the wide glass table.

"Thank you for helping me out, Commander." Rosaria said as she poured black coffee into Erwin's cup.

"You're welcome, Rosaria." Erwin replies with his smile.

"please, just call me Rose." Rosaria replies as she hands Erwin the little jug of milk.

"can we get on to the shitty subject, Erwin." Rivaille complains as he sits cross-legged.

"don't be so impatient, corporal. Here have a cup of coffee." Rosaria replies as she pours coffee into rivaille's cup.

"tsk." Rivaille clicks his tongue.

Rosaria takes a seat next to Rivaille, sipping at the cup of coffee.

"we are here today because there has been a case of missing equipment yesterday." Erwin said suddenly in his serious-mode.

"Missing equipment? There was a case of stolen equipment? When did it happen?" Rosaria asks.

"yesterday, about the same time we returned from the expedition. The thief is smart, he choose to steal it when everyone's guards were down because of the expedition." Erwin said.

"what did the thief steal?" Rosaria asks with a puzzled expression.

"A box of military long-range guns. It's quite the trend to have guns, don't you think?" Rivaille says.

"we think the culprit is in the scouting legion. We want you to investigate this case and find the culprit." Erwin replies.

"why me? I'm not good at solving cases." Rosaria asks.

"I and Rivaille are too busy solving the matters of the scouting legion. We can't find a better person to deal with this case other than you, Rose." Erwin says.

"I guess if you put it that way…what am I supposed to do if I find the culprit?" Rosaria asks.

"Arrest him for stealing military equipment. I'm sure you're able to do that, right?" Rivaille asks with a questioning gaze.

"Alright…I'll do my best, sir." Rosaria replies with a worried look.

"Don't be worried. If there's something you can't put your finger on just come to me or Rivaille for help." Erwin says.

Rosaria nods and takes her leave.

"Do you think she'll be able to pass the test?" Erwin asks.

"That depends on herself don't you think?" Rivaille says.

"She does have outstanding leadership skills and a clear strategy and solutions when it comes to fighting titans." Erwin replies.

"Skill and brains aren't the only things she should have. The real question is if she is willing to throw away her **humanity** for humanity itself." Rivaille says eyes looking at Erwin.

"Let's hope she passes the test with flying colors." Erwin replies.

"I'm sure we all do." Rivaille says taking another sip of his coffee.

* * *

"the equipment was stolen yesterday at 9pm. There weren't any guards since everyone was busy because of the expedition casualties and wounded." Said a solder.

"Were there any eye witnesses?" I asked.

"No, lieutenant. A few soldiers came back to check on the equipment but it was already missing." Replied the soldier.

"Alright, thanks for the help." I said while shooing off the soldier.

I wonder why Erwin and the corporal are so desperate on having me solve this case? Shouldn't it be the research team's job to play detective?

No point on guessing, guess I'll have to follow orders.

Well, the first thing to do is find clues and evidence. I walked over to the storage finding the large double doors leaning to one side and a broken handle on the door.

Whoever the culprit was it definitely wasn't a squad leader since he wasn't high ranked enough to get the storage keys.

Upon closer inspection, I find that the doors are dented in an awkward way. It looks like the thief used some sort of weapon to force open the doors…..

While inspecting the doors, I found something unusual. A little splatter of blood on the ground.

Was the thief hurt? There could be a possibility that the thief was hurt during the expedition, the 2nd possibility would be that the thief got hurt while breaking the doors.

It's highly unlikely seeing that if the thief was hurt during the expedition, the thief should have been under treatment by the medics….. Which means the thief got hurt while breaking the doors.

Does that mean the thief has a cut on his hand?

Putting my hands on the sides of the door, I try to replay the situation. Maybe the cut is on the palm….

Palm? Didn't Len have a cut on his palm yesterday?

It can't be…Len wouldn't lie to me…or rather steal equipment…would he? I mean like…I've known him ever since I graduated!

"oi, Rose. Slacking off work from the corporal?" a woman with short blonde hair walks over.

"Nanaba? No I'm playing detective today, Corporal's too busy so he handed me this case." I replied.

"What have you gotten so far, detective?" nanaba replies.

"just a little speculation here and there. Hey, were you at dinner last night? Did you see Len with the butter knife incident again?" I asked slightly suspicious.

"That idiot cut himself with the butter knife when he tried to flirt with the first-years. He was sitting alone in his table, which was _rare_. Idiot screamed 'Damn butter knife', it was hard trying to not hear." Nanaba replied.

That's right…Len would never be the culprit.

"that idiot should act his age. He's scaring away all the first-years." I replied with a sigh.

"nah, that's what makes him _Len _don't you think? I mean he may have a few screws loose, but he has that brotherly personality that makes him so popular." Nanaba says with a small smile.

Nanaba's right. Len is just so different yet special, to me he's like an _elder brother _already.

"that's rare for you acknowledge him, nanaba." I said smirking.

"I only say true things, Rose. Oh-Mike sent me for some errands, got to go!" nanaba said while waving goodbye.

Being a detective is harder than I thought.

* * *

Picking up a red pin, I stick it onto the white paper on the wide corkboard of the office.

Taking another glance at the board, I smirk at myself.

I'm such a genius!

"oi fuck face, I hope you're not insane because of the case." Yelled Rivaille in a bored tone.

"No, I'm perfectly sane, corporal. I just invented a key to victory for humanity!" I said in delight.

"let's hear about your shitty invention, I'm sure humanity would be saved without it." Rivaille replies.

"I knew you'd be interested in it! Its call an evidence board! You arrange the clues according to a timeline on the board, and then you write theories on the side! Isn't it genius?!" I screamed with excitement.

Rivaille glares and sighs at me "I wonder why Erwin trusted you on this case. I bet petra can solve this case better than you."

"hey, this is my first time playing detective! I think I'm doing fine progress!" I complained with a pout.

"I'm glad you're smart enough to join the scouting legion instead of the public safety bureau. I bet you wouldn't last 5 seconds." Rivaille teased.

"well, you could give me some tips to start, know-it-all." I replied glaring.

His frown deepens and he opens the top drawer of his desk, reaching inside for something. After throwing a few pieces here and there, he holds out a rectangular piece of metal and throws it at my direction. Throwing my arms in the air I manage to catch it just in time.

"A gun? Why are you giving me a gun?" I asked puzzled.

He sips his freshly brewed tea I made moments ago.

"A detective should always be armed, that's the first rule in the book." He replied.

"why do I need to be armed? I don't think a thief would go through all the hassle like trying to hurt me." I replied without second thinking.

Rivaille sighs and answers "you're too naïve, suede. If that person's caught stealing he could end up in prison. No one wants to end up in prison."

True….but it's not like he'd kill me right?

I look at Rivaille with a puzzled look, a million what-ifs going through my head.

"Lieutenant Rose, Lieutenant Len says he needs you in his office now, something about a butter knife." Erd says as he comes in.

"That idiot really has nothing to do. I'll be out for a while." I replied while shoving the handgun into my pocket.

As I walked out I could feel a pair of pale grey eyes still locked on to my back.

* * *

"Alright honey cakes, I see you're finally here." Len says with a grin.

"ugh, what do you want, Len?" I replied leaning on his table.

"don't be such a grumpy fuss. I'm here to help you with your case." Len says.

"how did you know I was working on the case?" I asked, surprised.

"word travels fast to my ears, Rose. To return the favor for helping me stitch this," Len says while raising his hand, "I'm going to bring you to a very special place- the underworld!"

I feel my eyes twitching and hands frozen.

"what the fuck pancakes, please tell me you're joking." I said eyes glaring at him like he stole my pudding.

" I've had a few military police friends, they told me a certain mystery person sold a box of military use long-range guns to the black market. Now, it's neither the military police nor the garrison, why do I know that? The guns had the scouting legion emblem." Len says arm crossed.

Black market..? How did he get such Intel?

"why are you so sure? You know the military police are full of shit people, we can't trust them." I said, eyes serious than ever.

"It's because the military police is full of shit people the higher-ups are not satisfied that someone else is stealing their business. Trust me on this one, pancakes." Len says shoving me a package.

"Are you sure about this? I mean we don't have to go to the underworld, Corporal's not going to be happ- what's this?" I asked while rummaging through the package.

I pulled out the contents of the package, only to find a single ruffled sapphire blue dress tiered with three layers of lace.

"Oh you're shitting me." I cried.

"Apparently only way to get in to the underworld is the auction, and you're going to need a partner. You know I don't usually go with just any girl to these events, but you know, you're special." Len smiles.

"I hate you, Len." I shouted.

* * *

Pulling at the edge of the itchy layered tiered dress that reached the ground, I awkwardly walk hand in hand with Len, who was dressed in a white dress shirt with a grey coat and grey pants.

"I haven't worn a fucking dress in eight years, Len. I feel uncomfortable, especially having to hold your hand." I say.

"don't be embarrassed pancakes. Just act natural, remember what I said?" asked len.

"Corner the merchant, don't overdo it. Don't let anyone blow my cover." I said.

"exactly, you're a born natural at this. Now c'mon." said len while pushing me to the underground auction.

I have a bad feeling about this.

"ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the underground action, you're bound to get something at the right price, if not, it's just us earning money. Take a look around!" yelled a guy.

Len pulled me to the further side of the auction, leading the way like a pro.

"are you sure your friends are right about this? How come you never told me anything about these MP friends you have?" I asked suspicious.

"They go by the name Nancy and Stanley. They were with me during my trainee days, even though we're in different parts of the military it doesn't mean we can't be friends right?" said Len.

"Fine. Let's just hope we get what we want." I said.

We walk into a dark room with a single man with dirty blonde hair and a black suit.

"I see we have customers today." The man says.

"That depends on the price your willing to pay." Len says as he takes a sit.

The man takes out a wooden box from under the large table and opens it. It reveals to be a single long-range gun, military use.

" isn't she a beauty? It's from the scouting legion, rare ones indeed." The man replies.

I need to dig deeper.

"I'll need some proof that you got the military gun from the scouting legion. How do I know that you're not playing with us?" I asked not hesitating.

"such a violent lady we have here." The man says while picking up the gun, "the emblem here is the scouting legion. No one can object that these are the wings of freedom."

True, those wings, I'd recognized them anywhere.

"that emblem is easy to fake. I'd need to know who you got the military guns from." I said eyes staring viciously at him.

The man smiles "I'm a business man, I don't lie."

"well I'm a paying customer, I like to pay for things that are real." I replied.

"well the man who got me these military guns gave me a nice price, didn't really ask for a name." he replies.

Len looks at me with serious eyes.

" you look like a smart man, I don't think you'd be stupid enough to make business without a name, don't you think?" I asked.

The man smiles and holds the gun in both his hands, aiming it at me.

"I wonder why a smart lady like you is doing at an underworld auction. Such a waste." He says.

Damn it, he's on to us.

"I like my hobbies to be violent and ruthless." I replied trying my best to lie.

"well then, I like my hobbies ruthless too. Who are you working for, public safety bureau? Military police? Hunters? The government? The scouting legion?" he asks.

I flinch at his last answer. This isn't turning out good.

"scouting legion it is." The man says while finger at the trigger, with only a few moments to spare.

Damn it, our cover's been blown.

"RUN!" Len yells while grabbing my arm to the nearest exit.

Bullets fly all over the place, the only thing I can hear is the sound of bullets being fired instead of my heartbeat.

Len grabs me, running at out fastest speed to the exit. Just when we were about to exit the room, a group of armed men surrounds us.

I hear the sound of guns clicking and I feel myself cursing at the man. Since when did he find out?

"what's a pair of military scum doing here? We could use extra livestock, don't you think guys?" said a man.

Damn it. I've got to find a way out.

"let's start with the chick, her looks are going to sell like hotcakes." Replied another man.

I felt a shiver running up my spine.

"touch her and I'll kill all of you first." Len scowls.

Two…four…six armed men….this is going to be tough.

"What a big mouth we have here. Let's remove his tongue and see if he can bark all he want." Yells the man.

No. fear grips my heart. A million images of Len screaming takes up my mind.

Two men grip len's shoulder, no matter how much he struggled he couldn't break free.

"let him go!" I screamed but a man held my hands tight.

"let's teach this dog a lesson that he doesn't bark to his owner shall we?" yells the man.

No. I can't lose Len. I can't lose him just like how I lost my parents. I can't….

"Let him go you fucking son of a bitch!" I screamed.

The man glares at me and signals his man who was gripping my hands.

The man tightens his grip and pushes me crashing to a table, hearing a large crash resound together with the feeling of metallic blood slide down my head.

"Hey, your opponent is me, Fuck head!" Len yelled.

The blurriness and dizziness faded away as I saw a man hold a sharp blade knife towards Len's lips.

"you're such a noisy dog aren't you?" the man says and just as he's about to raise his knife, I pulled out the gun from under my dress and pulled the trigger towards the man's left leg.

The man screams and Len takes this opportunity to punch and flip over the two men beside him.

Three to go. I punch the nearest man and flip him over till his scalp hits the cement walls.

Hand to hand combat really did come in handy.

Len takes charge and throws the remaining men towards the wall.

With a swift movement, I aim my gun at the head of the merchant.

"spill it, who sold you the guns?" I yelled while letting my finger touch the trigger of the gun.

The merchant panicked and no longer had the smirk he had earlier.

"Alright! I-it was a man with dark brown hair and a moustache. He looked like he was in his mid-thirties! He offered me the guns out of nowhere! I couldn't refuse, it was such a good price!" the man yelled.

Mike? It can't be. In all my years of being under squad leader Mike, he was anything but a thief.

"he's talking about squad Leader Mike, Rose." Len replies.

"Are you sure?!" I yelled.

"yes-I am!" the man panicked.

It can't be. Mike's been in the scouting legion for years. He wouldn't be the culprit. But why would they want to lie at this sort of situation?

I was so immersed in my thoughts that I didn't realize the man snatching the gun from my hands.

"Rose!"

I feel the barrel of my gun touching my head. The man was now holding my gun at me and he was prepared to pull the trigger.

I see his fingers just seconds away from pulling the trigger.

My world freezes and I can no longer think straight except hearing the sound of a gunshot echoing through the room.

* * *

**Guys let's listen to what I have to say before you murder me:**

Oh look SNK just turned to a crime fic. (gets slapped) I am deeply sorry, I know you guys are practically plotting my murder now. I mean how did SNK turn into a crime fic, let me explain. Rosaria will only work on this single case, so the mystery and the guns will only be temporarily. Yes, this is a test set up by Erwin and levi to test Rosaria if she is willing to throw away her humanity. no, Rosaria doesn't know about it.

The whole crime fic with the guns and Len talking a lot will only be for now, Levi will come along a bit later. Now for me to explain why this update took so long, let's see, I had three weeks of finals. Then I had barely a week to finish a 45 page long accounting assignment (I'm amazed I finished it in three days), then I had a bad case of writer's block. Oh did I mention who gave me the motivation to pick up my laptop? I was practically bouncing like a little girl. –the author of _ami, princess of etheria, matsuglare._ I was like ,I need to hug this person for the review, and when I check the name, I was shocked. Thank you so much for the review, I don't know if the plan about levi's past I plotted is that interesting, I might change it to match the new official manga about levi's past, but really thank you so much. And about the shitty unicorn, It was totally random. LOLZ

Thank you to the reviewers! Matsuglare, featherelly, lailaygirl, guest.

_Who do you think is the culprit?_


	7. Test: II

Chapter 7

Rosaria's p.o.v.

"Spill it, who sold you the guns?" I yelled while letting my finger touch the trigger of the gun.

The merchant panicked and no longer had the smirk he had earlier.

"Alright! I-it was a man with dark brown hair and a moustache. He looked like he was in his mid-thirties! He offered me the guns out of nowhere! I couldn't refuse, it was such a good price!" the man yelled.

Mike? It can't be. In all my years of being under squad leader Mike, he was anything but a thief.

"He's talking about squad Leader Mike, Rose." Len replies.

"Are you sure?!" I yelled.

"Yes-I am!" the man panicked.

It can't be. Mike's been in the scouting legion for years. He wouldn't be the culprit. But why would they want to lie at this sort of situation?

I was so immersed in my thoughts that I didn't realize the man snatching the gun from my hands.

"Rose!"

I feel the barrel of my gun touching my head. The man was now holding my gun at me and he was prepared to pull the trigger.

I see his fingers just seconds away from pulling the trigger.

My world freezes and I can no longer think straight except hearing the sound of a gunshot echoing through the room.

I see a flash of red around me, my eyes widen and I can't breathe right. All sound was being blocked out by the single gunshot and before me a single bullet pierced through the head of the merchant.

The man drops to the floor like a lifeless body, blood staining the floors.

I raise my head only to see the man who fired the bullet…Corporal Rivaille in front of the double doors.

"Rose! You okay?!" asked Len with as he rushed over gripping my shoulders.

I was at a loss for words. Years of training to kill titans, years of holding a gun for the sake of holding up the _suede _name, this was my first time seeing a man being shot at point blank range.

"y-yeah.." I murmured.

"oi, fuck faces, You both are going to get your intestines ripped out of your throat!" growled Rivaille as he dragged me and Len.

I have a lot of explaining to do.

* * *

"Do you know we aren't supposed to interfere with the underworld matters? Not even the public safety bureau is supposed to infiltrate the underworld! You two are fucking military soldiers! Not spies or detectives!" Mike yelled at both of us.

"Don't be so mad, mike. They got out alive, didn't they?" Erwin said.

"They're only lucky I managed to reach there in time before they turned into livestock, Erwin." Rivaille replies.

"If Nanaba didn't tell me about your crazy plans you'd both be losing more than a few organs right now!" Mike yelled again.

"We're sorry. I just wanted to help out with the case." Len replied.

A million thoughts still going over my head, I can't concentrate on the lecture Mike's giving me.

"Rose, are you listening?" Mike asked.

"Y-yes…I'm sorry." I replied slowly.

Mike sighs and I can feel Len's stare on me.

"So what type of Intel did you get from the black market?" Rivaille finally asks.

Len still stares at me, not wanting to start up the conversation.

I feel Erwin and Rivaille's stare on me, a billion theories and outcomes going through my head like a monochrome movie.

"Rose?" asked Mike.

Biting my lower lip, my gaze follows squad leader Mike.

"We got nothing from him. All we knew is that the equipment was scouting legion property. I couldn't get a name." I said eyes staring into the wall.

Len stares at me with widen eyes.

"Well that can't be helped. Rose, you're officially off the case, I'll leave it to nanaba to close this case." Mike says.

Mike dismisses me and Len as we head back to our quarters.

"Do you think she failed the test?" asked Erwin.

"It's only just started…there's more to come." Rivaille replies.

* * *

Sitting in front of the evidence board, Rosaria taps her finger on her chin

_9pm, stolen long-range guns. Broken handle and doors. A splatter of blood on the ground._

_Suspect: Mike zacharius_

She lets out a sigh as she stares at the evidence board.

Too little evidence. She asks herself if she really can trust the merchant's words, is Mike really the culprit?

She goes through the scenes countless times again and again, trying to find something that she could have missed.

She hears footsteps coming and she rushes to pick up the grey cloth and spread it over the evidence board.

"Why are you still here, suede? Waiting for your punishment?" Rivaille asks as he walks in.

She says nothing as she looks at the figure of the raven haired man.

"Cleaning duty for three weeks, I will not see a speck of dust in my office. Remember to arrange the books and files in alphabetic order, I want them done by tomorrow." Rivaille says.

"But there are over 400 files in here! I can't arrange them in just one day!" Rosaria yells in disbelief.

"That's what you get for dealing with underworld. It's not your first day as a soldier, I'm your superior and you will obey my orders. If not, you're free to get suspended." Rivaille says eyes looking at her like an eagle.

Rosaria bites her lower lip in guilt, she knows very well that there is no point in saying anything to defend herself when she knows she was the one at fault.

"Yes sir." She says huffing in defeat.

"Get some sleep; unless you want more errands to do, you're welcomed to stay back." Rivaille says.

"Goodnight sir." she replies not in the mood for comebacks.

As Rivaille looks at her retreating figure, his hands lay on the cloth of the so called evidence board. He pulls the cloth and finds a picture of Mike Zacharius in the middle. He looks at the board, analyzing the information for the slightest moment until his eyes lay on the words written in black marker.

_**You're lying**_

He couldn't help but smirk at the words.

* * *

The morning at the special ops squad start out as usual, the scent of detergent and the sound of brushes scrubbing against the floor.

I endlessly scrub the wooden floors with force stronger than killing a 13m titan. After scrubbing I pick up a bucket of water and start to rinse off the soap. After cleaning the floor, I start out by picking all the files and putting them into a large box.

Alphabetic order? Let's see…a, b, c, d, e, f, g-

"Delivery for Suede!" said a man as he walked inside.

"Rose you have a delivery!" petra said as she held the large package.

"oh, it's from the military police!" Gunter says pointing at the emblem.

"You have connections to the MP?" asked Erd.

"Just a few friends during trainee days. It's hard for us to get in touch unless we write letters." I said eyes focused on the box.

I open the large box, rummaging inside to find a blue box. Taking the blue box out my eyes scan through the words on top.

_Butter cookies_

I feel a vein pop in my head. What the hell I never asked for cookies.

Throwing the blue box of cookies at petra I said "let's share it with everyone."

"They're cookies! Only the nobles could ever get their hands on cookies!" petra said in delight.

Tracing my fingers around the box once more time, I find my fingers at the touch of something solid and rough.

Bingo, a letter.

Secretly shoving the white letter into my pocket, I discarded the box and continued on my punishment of arranging files.

….

Finally I was alone in my room, taking out the letter from my pocket; I swiped a letter knife across the triangular sides of the envelope.

_As you had mentioned, the military police had not sold a shipment of military long-range guns to the black market. Now, my subordinates aren't that smart too sell them without me knowing. The soldiers by the name Nancy and Steven do exist, but after some research they are not from the same trainee squad as your friend, Len._

_I'm sure you know there's something going on and I won't tell you what to do, since you've always been the smart one who always knows what to do._

_I hope you finish off this matter quickly, as there isn't __**much time **__left for you._

_-Edward Braise_

Breathing a heavy sigh, I feel a thousand emotions going through my veins.

A mix of anger, sadness, hopeless, and devastation slip down my cheeks as tear drops filled my eyes. I hold my hands together, trying to calm myself down.

I knew this journey was hard, but I had never expected it to be this lonely. Just the thought of having to put your own long time friend down a path of _death_ made me quiver as more tears stained my blouse.

This world was _crueler _than I had expected.

…

Leaning against the wooden door frame, I breathed another sigh as I cuddled deeper into my black overcoat.

"So you're finally here, pancakes." Len said golden blonde hair swayed to one side in an awkward manner.

"We need to talk." I said, eyes staring at him emotionlessly.

He stops, eyes lingering for a moment.

"What is it about?" he asks.

My eyes look over to glass window, taking in the deep black night sky and the vivid stars.

"It's about the stolen equipment case." I say eyes tired.

I see his hands clench and relax; his eyes look over me, scanning my coral blue eyes for some sort of hint.

"About squad leader Mike?" he asks.

"I found out there's a witness who saw the culprit doing the act of crime." I say, eyes finally looking into his.

His eyes widen mouth agape and sweat trickled down his forehead.

"The witness' name is Stott Kryuma. He's currently on duty with discussing our defense plan with the garrison; I've sent a letter asking him to come back in three days so he can give us his testimony. We have not heard anything about the case from him." I say eyes gazing to the side.

"So you haven't heard anything about the case from him?" Len asks eyes flickering dangerously.

"No. we'll find the answer in three days, Len." I say.

"So he's at the garrison, huh? That means the fastest he could departure would be tomorrow night. It takes at least a day to travel from garrison to scouting legion." He says, finger on his chin.

"Let's keep this a secret for now, I don't want my superiors finding out that I'm still on this case." I say.

"I couldn't agree better."Len says, a smirk adorning his face.

I look to the side, clenching my fists as I took another deep breath.

* * *

_Two days later_

The night sky was full of stars, the sole moon glowing brightly as a man with a dark green cloak that covered his head and body walked around the dark alleys.

It was then a man with light brown hair and honey brown eyes wearing the scouting legion uniform hopped off his horse, walking to the little cottage house.

The man with the green cloak follows suit, and barges in the house together with the man.

"w-who are you?" asked the man surprised.

The man with the cloak closes the door and takes out a handgun from underneath the cloak.

"W-what are you trying to do?!" asked the man frightened.

"Are you Stott Kryuma?" the man holding the gun asks.

"Yes…who are you?!" asked the man again.

"Where were you the day you returned from the expedition? At 10pm?!" the man asked.

"I-I was at the storage, I was in charge of duty that night!" the man answered hesitantly.

"Did you see who stole the equipment?!" the man holding the gun screamed.

"What are you talking about? i don't know who stole the equipment!" the man yelled in desperation.

The man points his gun at him, eyes dangerously hinting him that he should be honest.

"I'll try again, did you see who stole the equipment?!" the man yelled again.

The man whimpered, frightened.

The cloaked man was about to pull the trigger of his gun, when he felt the cold barrel of a gun touch his head.

The cloaked man smirk.

"You got me, rose." The man says.

"Put down the gun." I said, voice threatening than ever.

He still doesn't put down the gun, the man before him trembles in fear.

"I said put down the fucking gun!" I yelled in rage.

He finally puts down the gun, hands on the edge of his cloak.

The man named stott finally runs through the doors, bursting with fear.

The man smirks and asks "since when did you knew?"

My eyes still gazing dangerously at him I answered "from the start. I was convincing myself that you wouldn't do this. I wish I was wrong, but I wasn't."

He sighs and answers "I planned everything so smoothly, and I couldn't even outsmart you."

"You missed something vital, the blood at the scene. That night, you came to me to stitch your wounds, you thought I wouldn't figure it out." I answered, eyes gazing to the metal gun pointed to his head.

"I even created an alibi, who would suspect that my wounds weren't self-inflicted?" he asked.

"The moment nanaba told me you were sitting alone during dinner, I knew something was off. You never cut yourself during dinner, you cut yourself when you tried to steal the equipment. You forgot something, you're right handed, if those wounds were really self-inflicted, it should have been on your left, not your right." I answered.

"oh, so you knew even before I brought you to the underworld?" he asked.

I feel my eyes going red, so he was prepared to sacrifice me after all.

Somewhere in my mind a trigger flipped.

"How could you?! I believed in you! I could have died that night!" I screamed in agony.

He doesn't flinch nor respond.

"you set up the plan with the merchant all along! You were prepared to let him kill me when the time comes! Why?! Did all the time we spent together were lies?! Was everything a lie? Did you plan on making me your pawn the moment you talked to me?!" I screamed and yelled, tears at the end of my eyes.

"what choice did I have?" he whispered.

"you even planned on framing Mike! Mike looked after us all this time! Mike treated us more than a subordinate, he treated us as friends! You were fully aware that if you framed him he would lose everything! You traitor!" I screamed, tears sliding freely across my cheek.

"I had no choice! I needed to get out of this hell! The scouting legion is not a place for _normal _people to stay! You couldn't imagine how life was for me! After losing so many comrades, so much people, I just couldn't live any longer! Hell, I'm not that strong! I'm not that strong to keep on fighting after losing so _much!" _he yelled back, slight trembling in his voice.

His hood finally fell, revealing spiky blonde hair that I would recognize anywhere.

I feel my hands tremble as I hear his voice, _broken._

How could I have not noticed? How could I have thought he would be the same after losing so much? I couldn't save him, I left him to drown all alone when I _could _have saved him.

"you don't know a thing! I lost _everything _that was ever important to me! I don't have the courage to move on anymore, I'm just tired, I really am. Just a little more and I could have enough money to live outside the scouting legion, but I lost to you." He yells.

I swallow sliver as I hear his words.

I bite my lower lip, eyes staring at him.

"I'm sorry Len, I'm sorry I couldn't save you, I'm sorry things turned out this way, but it doesn't mean you could try and frame Mike for a crime you did. It doesn't mean its fine to put my life on the line over something you're trying to cover up. I'm sorry, but I'm not at the same time." I said, eyes glaring at him.

He smiles and relaxes.

Len smiles at says "you've never changed Rose. Every time the world puts you on the end of a blade, you never fail to throw that blade back to the world. You were always so strong, you have that hidden charisma that had always attracted me from the start."

I put my hand down, gun finally falling to the ground.

The moment his words hit me, I felt my world trembling like broken glass.

"Why…why did things have to turn out like this?! Why does the world hate me so much that I have to do this?! Why?! Why…." I screamed as tears couldn't stop overflowing.

"_that's the thing about happiness…each time you thought you had it again, it disappeared." Len says._

"why….what kind of meaning is there in this world? There's no such thing as justice anymore, the moment titans existed it was a war that we were fated to lose!" I screamed devastated.

Len picks up the gun and holds it in his hands, aiming it carefully at his heart.

I look at him, eyes widened and frightened.

"Rose….i can finally leave this world….and go to the other side where they are all waiting for me…" Len says his eyes now closed.

My heart skips a beat and I feel my world going black and numbed.

"Don't! Len! Don't!" I screamed, hands clutching onto his piece of fabric, begging him.

He smiles and laughs, just like the times we had a few years back.

"you said that you didn't want to live in a world without any future, so you decided to build a future yourself. I don't know if you'll make it….from the bottom of my heart I hope you find that _future._….i had always admired that strong personality of yours." Len says fingers tightly secured around the trigger.

"Don't! Don't! Len-"

"Thank you." He mouths with eyes closed, similar to a smile of an angel.

The next moment, he pulled the trigger.

The sound of the gun shot echoed through the room, my eyes widened and I feel my entire body going numb.

The tears stopped and I can't breathe.

"Len…?" I whispered to myself.

There wasn't any response.

"Len…..!" I screamed and yelled, begging for the gods to give him back.

My hands trembled, my mind blank, my eyes now focused on the _broken and empty _body.

All that was left before me was a large pool of blood,

and the remnants of _someone _I had loved,

Yet I pushed him off the boat into a sea,

Where he drowned and I _didn't_ save him.

* * *

Sitting in the wooden chair, I couldn't remember if this was the 56th or the 57th time my eyes had stared at the wooden floor.

Hugging my knees closer to my chest, I watched as the higher-ups thought of excuses and stories to cover up the incident.

A figure with raven hair and a short stature walks over, he seems hesitant. Who wouldn't seem hesitant?

No one wants to deal with an exploding bomb.

"You knew it from the start, didn't you?" I asked voice hoarse from screaming.

He doesn't look at me; instead he looks at the window, where the sun was almost rising.

"What difference does it make?" he asks, somewhat bored expression covering his usual tiredness.

"The moment you gave me that gun, I knew you were all testing me. Is it really worth it? Is humanity really that at stake that you need to sacrifice my humanity?" I asked, rage in my tone.

"In the end it's our own choice to save humanity or let humanity extinct." He says, the look in his eyes tired than ever.

I was angry, raged. How could they use Len to test me? To test my value? To test my sacrifices?

But somewhere in his pale grey eyes, I knew he was the same. The look in his eyes showed something a little deeper, the feeling of throwing away something so valuable because there wasn't a choice.

"It's never our fucking choice, we never get to choose to save or to sacrifice. It's always about sacrificing something in order to get something more valuable. This is a shit world with shit policies." I said, clenching my fists.

He looks over me, eyes finally scanning my tired face.

"but I won't give up. I won't let the sacrifices of my comrades end. This is a war; the victory cannot be decided until its last moments. I'll show this world that they're fucking policies can be changed, I won't let them underestimate humanity. I'll show that someday there would be a choice to save instead of sacrifice. If this is how the world works, I won't back down either." I said eyes more determined than ever.

I won't back down, I'll do it for the sake of Elizabeth, Len and everyone else.

I see Rivaille turning around, an amused grin on his face.

"Suede, get your shit together." He says reaching for the door.

I look at him, eyes staring at his back.

"You're appointed new chief lieutenant from tomorrow onwards." He says as he leaves the room.

I feel my head and heart heavy, tomorrow would be start of a new journey for me.

I'll continue fighting no matter what, just wait and see someday, this world will give humanity a _choice._

* * *

ok shortest chapter yet. late update because of shitty wifi and over used quota of hotspot. anyways, WHY U NO REVIEW? i got a few reviews for the last chap, but i hoped there would be more comments about the last chap. guys, if you're reading this story, **please review**, i love reviews, i love reviews even more than loving nobuchika ginoza from psycho-pass.

thank you so much for the follows, favs and reviews guys. **you guys rock**. every chapter is dedicated to the readers, you!

thank you guest for the review, awesome really i love long reviews. i'm sending you a virtual hug right now!

do REVIEW !


	8. Rumors

Chapter 8

Rivaille's p.o.v.

just when I was about to shove another spoonful of soup into my mouth, a girl with long brunette hair tied in a ponytail walked in. beside her was a young man who looked like he was in his mid twenties, with dark brunette hair and vivid turquoise eyes.

I immediately recognized him as the soldier Rosaria saved in our last expedition.

The silence was threatening; all eyes were glued to the petite girl walking down the corridor.

Whispers could be heard,

"Isn't that her? The new chief lieutenant."

"she killed lieutenant Len didn't she?"

"I heard they were friends. She's even crueler than the commander and the corporal altogether."

"I don't think I'd want her to be my superior."

"I bet she slept her with the commander to get the position."

I glared at the soldier whose voice was louder than anyone else's.

The soldier quickly shut his mouth and turned away.

Two weeks had passed since the whole incident. Things were not what I had expected, the rumors were getting more terrible.

I turned my gaze to look at the brunette, her coral blue eyes never taking a second to look at the crowd.

She took her tray of food and sat in an empty table, her ears blocking all sound from getting to her nerves.

Whispers and murmurs could be heard again.

"damn, those rumors are getting worse." Gunter said as he chewed on his food.

" she's the one suffering yet she's being called the murderer." Replied Erd.

"I don't think the rumors are all that wrong. Maybe she really did kill her friend, or maybe she really did sleep to get the position-" Auruo was interrupted halfway.

"Auruo!" petra yelled.

Everyone turned to look at Auruo, eyes glaring dangerously.

"Fine." He replied.

"Aren't you all noisy today? Can't stand the shit those imbeciles say?" I said, eyes never looking at them.

"Corporal, Auruo didn't mean to talk about Rose that way." Petra replied.

"Hurry up and finish your food, petra. We have a lot to do today." I replied.

Petra quickly obeyed and started chomping on her food.

Side glancing at the brunette, she was talking with the soldier who walked in with her. What was his name again?

"I want the reports done by today, Ewan." Rosaria said as she took a spoonful of carrots.

"y-yes ma'am." Ewan hesitantly replied.

She raised an eyebrow.

"Damn even you're calling me that? I sound so old." Rosaria replied with an amused smirk.

"I-I didn't mean to offend your age or anything like that!" Ewan defended.

"At ease, I know you mean no bad intent. I'm just not used to it." Rosaria replied, eyes glancing at the side.

She stirs her soup with her left hand.

"Is it okay if I call you Rose?" Ewan asked, turquoise eyes staring at her coral blue ones.

She nodded.

"Rose, the first time we met you told me 'if you're strong enough to _fight, _you _live. _It's your choice. My comrades are risking their lives; I hope you know that your lives are not the only ones at stake.' Ewan said, eyes more serious.

"Did I even say that?" Rosaria replied surprised.

"you did, I've never seen someone so strong, we were in a dire situation, it was your words that made me have the courage to fight again. You are different from what they say, someday they will know you as the chief lieutenant that guided humanity to its victory." Ewan said.

Rosaria smiled and couldn't help but chuckle.

"You're something aren't you, Ewan?" Rosaria said in between her laughs.

He gave her a puzzled expression.

"Nah, but I like it. Thank you for the encouragement. I know you're worried about the rumors going on, but that's just standard procedure. They'll get tired of gossiping me." She replied.

I stand up and turn to leave, taking one last glance at her face that looked like everything was alright.

* * *

A knock could be heard at the door.

"come in." I replied without looking up.

The door opened and suede walked in with a tray of tea.

She puts the white porcelain teacup on my table and offers to pour some hot earl grey.

"What took you so long, suede?" I asked, slightly annoyed.

"I was asking Ewan for the reports on today's duties, sir." Rosaria replied.

I take a sip of the hot earl grey, letting the relaxing scent hit my nostrils.

"the shit head that almost got you killed?" I asked.

"I wouldn't say he almost got me killed….he was inexperienced, that's all." Rosaria replied.

I put down the tea cup on the table.

"you took him in as your direct subordinate?" I asked with a questioning gaze.

Rosaria fidgets with her fingers.

"i-is that a bad thing, sir?" Rosaria asked hesitantly.

She looked like a puppy that was waiting for its punishment because it knew it did something wrong.

"Not exactly. It's not my place to tell you who to select as your direct underling, just be cautious of who you pick." I replied.

"yes sir." She replied obediently.

"go pick up the stack of reports Erwin asked for. If you're not back in 5 minutes you'll be punished." I replied sternly.

Rosaria immediately dashed out of the office, running to Erwin's office.

Taking another sip of the tea, I finally realized something. Since when did I anticipate suede's morning tea every morning?

Putting down the teacup I looked out the window.

I was picking up habits from the utterly emotional girl without me noticing.

* * *

Rosaria's p.o.v.

The sounds of friction against papers echoed through the room, the dim light that radiated from the candle barely guiding me.

I couldn't tell what time it was, it was too dark to make out anything.

As I reached out for my third glass of coffee that night, I noticed it was already empty.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes, the sleepiness was already draining my mind.

As I tried to scribble down words onto the half-written piece of paper, I glared furiously at the empty ink pen.

Ugh, just my luck.

Reaching out to the lower compartment of my desk, I opened it and tried to scavenge for a new fountain pen.

My eyes stared a second too long at the black metal handgun that was left beside the fountain pens.

My thoughts started flying all over, fragments of Len's dead body and the amount of blood that covered the floor started appearing in my mind.

My hands shook and I covered my eyes.

Damn it, not now.

My head was throbbing and the pain was intense, images of Len and his words were echoing in my mind.

Stop, please stop.

I clench my fists, biting my lower lip.

Calm down, calm down. it's over now, it's over.

Reopening my eyes and taking deep breaths, my heartbeat calmed down and I closed the drawer shut.

Massaging my temples with my fingers, I breathed a heavy sigh. Now wasn't the right time to be doing work, not at this hour.

Standing up I picked up the small candle and left the room.

Walking through the hallways with the dim light of the candle barely guiding my eyes, the only sounds I could hear was the creaks of the floorboard as I tip-toed not wanting to wake up anyone.

My eyes heavily scanned around for the right pathway to my room, hearing the sounds of soft snores as I walk.

When I was just about to turn around the corner, I heard soft whispers from the dark corner of the hall.

"I can't believe that bitch stole Arthur's position." A female voice said.

"I heard she slept with the corporal to get the position." A male voice replied.

Arthur? Were they talking about the previous chief lieutenant, Arthur Doyle?

"She keeps acting like she's the boss, ordering us around. She's only been in the special ops squad for barely 5 months. Who does she think she is?" the female voice said.

"I can't believe the superiors are so fond of her. Even squad leader Mike and commander Erwin looks at her like she's humanity valuable weapon." The male replied.

Were they talking about me….?

"I can't believe Commander would agree to let her take Arthur's position. Arthur died on the battlefield, he should be honored….he should be remembered by humanity…." the female mumbled.

"not by letting a bitch take his place, what are the higher-ups thinking anyway?" the male asked.

So the rumors are getting worse…it comes to stealing the previous chief lieutenant position? After seeing Len kill himself in front of my eyes? Is that what they see me as? See my position as?

I accidently stepped on a creaky floorboard, producing a large creak noise that alarmed the two.

They turned their heads to me, alarmed and surprised. They don't dare to mutter a word, all I see is pearls of sweat slide down their forehead.

"you two should go back to you barracks, it's past curfew." I said eyeing both of them.

The female looks more pissed while the male looks scared.

"you heard us didn't you?" she asked with dangerous eyes.

"Lisa don'-" he said halfway.

"you heard that we were talking about you, didn't you?!" she asked raising her voice.

Staring into her eyes I see a tint of hurt and rage, was Arthur Doyle someone important to her?

"Answer me!" she yelled, rage in her indigo eyes.

" I heard what you said." I replied, hands shoved into my pockets.

"tell me, what did you do to get the position? Bribed squad leader Mike?" she asked loudly.

"oi Lisa-" he tried to stop her.

"Don't! i can't stand it! Who do you think you are? Stealing Arthur's position like you own the place? What did you do harh? You waltzed in to the scouting legion and boom you get a position just like that?!" she yelled furious.

"I did not steal Arthur's position. For your information, Arthur died in battle. It was just standard procedure for me to attain his position." I replied offended.

"Arthur died for humanity! he sacrificed his life for this damn humanity! and I ask for one thing, one thing- to keep his position! And the next thing you bitch took his place, and everyone forgets about him!" she yelled, desperate and raged.

Her eyes looked hurt and she looked more raged than ever. The moment I saw her indigo eyes, something flickered. I knew the reason behind her words- she was more than a mere friend of Arthur Doyle.

"look, you can't keep his position forever. Someone has to take the position after someone dies. Don't you think you're overreacting?" I asked, trying to make things clear.

"overreacting? What part of me is overreacting? I'm just trying to protect of what's left of him! And you, you bitch just took it from him. Tell me, did you suck the commander's dick so you could get the position?" she asked, eyes filled with fury.

I clench my fists. This mere position wasn't something I had sexed to obtain, I worked so damn hard, I struggled to keep people alive, I put my life on the line, I even had to be fucking _tested _and I had to witness Len's death. I had to arrest my friend, I had to suffer his death! How could she say I got this position like it was something as disgracing as sex? Even the commander? Erwin is practically sacrificing everything he has for humanity? how can they talk about him like that?

"look, you can say all you want, but don't you ever say this shit has anything to do with the commander." I growled.

"oh, so you admit to it? I bet you slept with the corporal too, judging from that bitchy attitude of yours." She spitted back.

"oi you're going too far lisa!" the man defended.

That's it, I'm shutting this bitch up.

"look, I don't know what type of relationship you had with Arthur, but you better take that back. Rivaille may be rude, violent and a clean-freak bitch ass but everyone in the legion knows and admits he is humanity's _strongest _and he has sacrificed more than Arthur ever did for humanity. you will not disgrace his name." I hissed, eyes glaring daggers at her.

"you bitch, acting like you actually care about the corporal and the commander! You murdered lieutenant Len! you're a freak who only cares about your fucking position!" she yelled.

"yeah, but at least I'm better than a bitch who's trying to remember someone who died by keeping his position. What a smart thing to do, yeah, everyone will honor him. Like that's going to happen. The scouting legion is not a place for kids, people die every day, if you can't accept that you're better off outside the walls as titan bait." I hissed back.

Her eyes raged and she clenched her fists. She started mumbling words and she looked so damn pissed.

"Wh-what do you even know about…losing someone you loved!" she yelled and she rushed towards me, fists in the air.

My eyes closed shut and I waited for the impact, for the blow she would land on my face.

But it never came and when I opened my eyes, I looked up to see none other than…

"c-corporal Rivaille…" she murmured with fear.

I noticed Rivaille blocked her fists just inches away from my face, his hands holding tightly against her fists.

Rivaille glares at her with furious eyes.

"what are you dickheads doing this late at night?" Rivaille said in a furious tone.

"C-corporal…." I said in fear on what he might do next.

He lets go of his hands and the girl squirms in fear.

"Reports your names, immediately."Rivaille ordered.

"L-lisa uderich." She said stuttering.

"Conan Springfield." The man replied.

"I will report both of you to your squad leaders, tomorrow. Do not expect assaulting a superior to be an easy offense to get off." Rivaille growled, eyes glaring at both of them.

They squirmed in fear, eyes locked to the floorboard.

"now run back to your barracks before I decide to pull your tongues out of your mouths." Rivaille said, shooing them off.

I didn't dare move. I didn't dare mutter a word. He was pissed, he was definitely pissed.

"Suede, in my room now." Rivaille ordered, intimidating eyes glaring at me.

I gulped nervously. I'm doomed.

Following obediently behind him, I didn't dare look up at his face, what would he think of me now? Yeah, fighting with a mere subordinate, staying up past curfew, acting like a bitch were all actions a newly appointed superior should do.

Rivaille unlocks his door, turning the doorknob in a clockwise direction and walking in.

I follow him suit, eyes scanning his pure white room. Everything was the same as last time, a few books on his desk, the tidy king sized bed, the white curtains and the bathroom on his left.

Rivaille pulls up a wooden chair and sits on it, legs crossed and arms resting on the armrest.

He clicks his tongue and says "Suede, explain yourself."

I feel a shiver run up my spine, nerves tensing up as I said "I was doing paperwork, sir."

He taps a finger on his chin impatiently as he says "how the fuck did you end up fighting two dickheads, suede?"

I sigh and fidget with my finger nervously, "I was on the way back to my room…then I heard those two talking. I warned them to go back to their barracks but….."

"but what?" he asked eyes narrowed on me.

"she wanted to make things clear…about my position and stuff…" I said.

He sighs and rubs his temples.

"I'm sorry for waking you up, sir. Did you hear everything?" I said, eyes staring into his tired pale grey orbs.

"I wasn't even asleep. I heard every shitty word you both said, suede." He said.

Damn, he must have heard about the sex then.

"then…are you really going to report them to their squad leaders, sir?" I asked.

"of course, they offended and tried to assault you." Rivaille replied.

"they were just talking about the rumors, that's all. They didn't mean any harm. Can you please not report them to their squad leaders, sir?" I pleaded.

Rivaille gave out an amused snort, "Suede, those dickheads tried to assault you. They disgraced your name, they accused you of having sex in exchange for your position."

"of course I know that….She just wanted to protect the last thing he left…" I mumbled.

"suede, why are you defending them?" he asked, eyes staring furiously at me.

"I know what she did was wrong…I know that….i just sort of understand her feelings…she lost someone she loved and she just wanted to honor the last thing he had…." I said, hands fidgeting.

"she wanted to honor Arthur Doyle by keeping his position?" he asked.

I nodded.

"even after the stunt she pulled, all those words she said to hurt you, you're still defending her, suede?" Rivaille asked, pale grey eyes looking at me like a prey.

"probably…I understand her actions sir…" I replied, head lowered.

"you are the most shittiest, stupidest women I have ever met. Even more shitty than shitty glasses." Rivaille said with an amused grin.

Shitty glasses? Who's that?

"keep that attitude up and you're going to be protecting everyone on the legion, suede." Rivaille said.

"not exactly..when it comes to discipline and order I'm pretty strict….but I'm also a softie when it comes to you know..sympathy…" I admitted in defeat.

He sighed and ruffled his raven short hair in an annoyed manner.

"Suede, you're going to get yourself _hurt_ if you tend to get too personal in these things." Rivaille said, eyes looking like transparent glass.

For a moment there, something flickered in his eyes. The way he says it, his tone….he gets too personal in these things too huh?

"I know…I can't help it…." I replied, biting my lower lip.

"Let's just hope you don't end up breaking…." He whispered ghostly to himself.

He stands up and walks over to his bed, straightening the ruffles of the fluffy comforter.

He sits down on the edge of his bed, then patting the empty space beside him while looking at me.

"suede, sit down." he ordered.

I didn't dare to disobey; I sat down beside him in a nervous manner.

"I have decided on your punishment for your shitty behavior today." Rivaille said.

What, another punishment? Not at this kind of hour? It's not my fault I ran into a fight after finishing paperwork late.

"oh how exciting." I said slamming my palm on my forehead.

"since it's so late and I wouldn't want another shitty fight occurring, suede you're spending the night here." Rivaille said, his face as serious as shit.

I feel my muscles going numb, my eyes going wide, and maybe all my blood is rushing to my face.

"Oh you must be shitting me." I said, eyes squished together like an exaggerated cow.

I heard a snort coming from his nostrils as he forced a chuckle.

"you look like a fucking cow, shit." Rivaille replied amused.

I feel my face turn fifty shades of red and I can't help but glare. spend the night here? With my superior? Alone? At night? A punishment?What the fuck is happening?!

Rivaille stands up at tends to unbutton his white blouse.

"What the motherfucking holy shit- Corporal what are you doing?" I yelled, jerking immediately.

He continues to unbutton his white blouse, fingers over the transparent buttons as he undoes the last one. He yanks the piece of clothing off, then gently folding it and placing it on top of his desk. He sits back on the bed, revealing his slim, muscular and scarred upper body.

Oh holy shit, can those muscles get any sexier?

Forcing myself to stop drooling over my superior's half naked body, I said "Corporal…why the fuck are you stripping?"

"for your shitty punishment, I've been in need of one for god knows how long." Rivaille said, eyes gazing at me.

Control yourself, Rosaria. Control. Don't let the blood get to your face, just analyse the situation calmly. Looking back at him, he's torso sure is muscular. What the fuck- get a grip of yourself!

"suede, you better behave or I'm going to cut open your head. I'm been dead shit tired for weeks and I'm in need of a fucking _massage_ right now." Rivaille says, hands caressing the blankets.

My brain stops functioning and I see myself as an idiot. Just who does he think he is, teasing me like that?!

"A fucking massage, sir?" I asked, eyes glaring at him.

"or would you rather be on laundry duty, suede?" he asked.

Hah! You got me! You got me! Don't you think your good looking abs is going to turn me on! Son of a bitch, and here he got me blushing like mad for something as stupid as a massage?

"No sir, I would be delighted to give you a damn massage." I replied.

"Good now be a good girl and get those hands of yours moving." He ordered.

He turns his back to me, his short cropped raven hair dishevelled. His numerous scars on his wide back, such a number of painful reminders, some seemed new and some seemed old and worn. His past must have been really hard, all these scars and he's still fighting till now.

I put my hands on his shoulders, letting the sudden touch of electric jolt me. His cold barren skin touches mine, but I don't feel uncomfortable. Instead, I feel this tiny tinge of warmth emitting.

Slowly making strokes of circles around his shoulders, I see his muscles loosen up. Massaging in a repeating motion of circles, my fingers touched his skin, feeling the slight bump of scars. Along his spine, I circled his cold skin feeling the electric gather in my fingertips.

His eyes are now closed and a rare relaxed expression shows on his face. His eyebrows doesn't furrow together and he actually doesn't look intimidating, for once.

A little smile emerges from my lips as I can't help but chuckle at the rarest expression I could see on someone as tight and strict as him. Somehow I'm glad Rivaille turned out to be a superior I could trust and serve wholeheartedly, because I wouldn't be smiling today without _him._

* * *

"Rivaille, above you!" she yelled, her usual cold amethyst eyes looking at me with fear.

I looked above and it was too late, the titan's hand had already captured me in its large disgusting hands.

I struggle with my blades, desperately trying to get out of the titan's iron grip.

"dickface." I grumbled.

A swift cut forms on the titan's hand, as blood spilled and I fell onto the ground along with the now evaporating flesh.

"if I was a second late you'd be titan bait, Rivaille." He says as his warm brown eyes look at me with his goofy grin.

"I would have gotten out without your help." I said.

"oh you're always so stubborn, Rivaille. Can't you admit I'm stronger than you?" he teased, goofy grin as usual.

"you guys stop fucking around! The titan's not dead you know!" she yelled, her frown matching her glistening eyes.

I aim my grapples at the neck of the titan and with a 360 degree turn I cut the nape of the titan's neck as it falls to the ground eventually evaporating.

"hey, I was going to kill that one." He said, cheeks puffed up.

"Son of a bitch stop whining over your titan kills." I replied.

"I'm not whining I'm just marking my prey!" he yelled.

I let an amused grin show as I clean my blades.

How I missed these moments, they were the two people I cared the most.

"C'mon Rivaille. Let's see who's going to kill more titans this time." He said, soft brown eyes illuminated the warmth of the sun.

"you dickhead, of course I'm going to win this time." I said, amused.

He grinned and I heard a high pitched scream. A scream I'd never forget.

She was caught in the hands of a 15m titan, her amethyst eyes full of fear.

"Damn it when did it come?!" he yelled, already rushing towards her, blades tightly gripped.

I dashed towards her, desperately trying to make it in time.

"Rivaille!" she yelled for help, desperation reflected in her eyes.

I tightened the grip on my blades, there was no way I'd let her die.

He charges first and cuts the left eye of the titan as blood stained his eyes.

I back him up and cuts across the right eye of the titan, letting the filthy blood stain my green cloak. The titan screams in agony, but it doesn't let go of the grip on her.

"damn it." I say as I swing my grapples onto the hands of the titan.

Just as I was about to cut through the titan's wrist, I heard her desperate yell "Watch out!"

I turned my head and my felt my hands going numb. Another titan had approached and it tried to catch me, but….

"son of a bitch! I'm not letting you kill my friend!" he yelled as he blocked the attack from me, his body clamped by the hands of the titan.

The titan had already lifted him up and was only inches away from chomping him down.

"Rivaille!" she screamed as the titan gripped her tighter.

Damn it, it had already regenerated its eyes!

I feel my world going black and numb, adrenaline pushing through my veins. Images of their faces flash in my mind, desperately looking at me, pleading for my help, begging to live, _struggling to survive._

They were going to die, they were going to die, they were going to **die.**

I heard a loud scream and blood filled my vision. They're half-eaten bodies appeared as blood smudged against the ground. They're eyes are looking at me, pleading for my help, but there were now cold and lifeless. Nothing could be reflected in their now, _dead _eyes.

I feel my hands going numb, my blades drop to the floor and my eyes are frozen stiff. I **couldn't **save them. I left them to die. I left the most important people I had cared for, lived for, and loved for to die, and there was no turning back. They died in front of my eyes, and I didn't do anything.

Darkness engulfed me, my surroundings now a pitch black void where only I **survived_._** The words 'I couldn't save anyone' repeat and echoes, blood staining the floor and visions of their broken bodies and limbs scattered over the floor.

My world was breaking, the only people I had lived for was now dead. i wanted to scream and cry, but no sound came out from my hoarse throat. My hands were stained red and my eyes bleed, I _killed _the people I loved and I couldn't change anything.

"_ri…ille….riv..lle…rivaille…rivaille!"_

I jolted upwards, sweat sliding over my forehead as I breathed heavily. My hands were shaking and my mind was blank.

A dream?

I scanned my surroundings and I realized a pair of familiar coral blue eyes staring at me, worried.

Her slim hands were around my shoulders, desperately trying to shake me out of my shocked state.

"Rivaille! Please wake up!" she pleaded, eyes looking worried as she stared into mine.

Where am i?

"s-suede?" I asked confused and tired.

Her grip around my shoulders relaxes and grips my cold hands, feeling electric running through my skin as she touched.

"It's just a dream. Please wake up!" she said, coral blue eyes scared.

"what happened?" I asked, feeling the dizziness go away.

"you started saying things, and then you were screaming…you sounded so _broken._ I was so scared…Rivaille…." She said, eyes looking straight at mine.

Was she worried about me?

"it's just a dream…it's just a dream, Rivaille. Please go back to sleep…everything's going to be alright.." she whispered in my ear, her hands now stroking my back in gentle pats.

Her touch relaxed me, my tense muscles finally relaxing.

I closed my eyes and relaxed my forehead on her shoulder, too tired to move.

She didn't flinch; she continued to stroke my back and calmed me down until I fell back into slumber.

_It wasn't a dream, they died._

* * *

Oh what a fucking long chapter! Should I change the rating? Cuz I mentioned sex here. But it isn't really smut, so there really isn't a reason to change the rating is there? Hehhe, you guys thought there would be smut, but no there won't be smut! At least not now that is. Anyways, this chapter was full of dialogues and I have no idea what are the names of Rivaille's friends, they are both from the new recent manga, but they're names were not revealed. This is a slight part of rivaille's past and there's more to come, I think.

Thanks to lani0108, spaekily, lailaygirl for the reviews!

Guys our wattpad views have reached 2.2k! isn't that awesome? Once again, thank you for the views, follows, favs, comments and reviews guys! Love you guys to the moon and back. Give me a review on today's chapter guys! If you want me to update sooner you better **REVIEWWWWWW! **


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